“An adventure may be worn as a muddy spot or it may be worn as a proud insignia. It is the woman wearing it who makes it the one thing or the other.” - Norma Shearer
I’m going to be completely honest here and say that I’ve wanted to write about this particular source of “beauty” since the very moment I first climbed inside a couple of months ago. That’s right; I’m talking about a 2001 silver Jeep Wrangler. Those who know me personally may not be surprised by the level of my enthusiasm, but those who know me only via my blogging may be slightly puzzled as to what on earth I could possibly find extraordinarily beautiful about a jeep. Well, that is exactly what I’m about to share with you.
I have written many a post about the beauty found in our differences as people and that which comes from learning to not only see, but to truly appreciate something that is unlike anything else you've gazed upon or experienced before. I actually made a clear note of this very belief in the first entry of this Sparks of Beauty series; the act of instilling an awareness and appreciation that differs from my own way of looking at or doing something is beautiful to me. Though completely unexpected, riding in this crazy little vehicle for the first time took that belief and offered actual proof of its truth in way I hadn’t experienced in years. It would easily have qualified as what Oprah devotees would call an “aha moment”. I’m not exaggerating when I say that roughly two and a half hours in the passenger seat – round trip -allowed me to feel something inside that I truly believed I had lost for good. It showed me that what I feared was gone forever was very much alive….and so was I.
My lack of any sort of real life over the past year and a half or so is no secret, and thus it should be no secret that fun was not part of my vocabulary during that time. On this particular afternoon -unseasonably warm and sunny for early April - I finally (finally!!!) had plans that were made with the sole intention of having fun and getting a break from some less than stellar circumstances that both my company for the evening and I were each muddling through in our respective lives. I was as excited as I’d imagine someone who had been through what I had been through could be. I was going to spend an evening in the awesome city of Pittsburgh with someone who was becoming a real friend. I was going to see a movie in the theatre for the first time in months. It was going to be great, or at least my version of “great” over the past few years, which basically meant it would be as good of an experience as someone who was so broken and depleted both physically and emotionally was capable of having. It would be fun at times, but I would still find myself not quite present, longing for a level of enjoyment that continued to elude me. Life had proven that this was inevitable. Nonetheless, I was not about to turn down even the smallest chance at joy. I was trying to find a reason to stay afloat and this seemed as good a chance as any, no matter how brief it might be.
I knew ahead of time that I would be riding in a Wrangler for several hours and to tell you the truth, as excited as I was, I was a little apprehensive. Let’s face it, the media, with its countless ways of invading our homes each day ,is always ready to jump on the negative, especially if there is the slightest possibility that something could go wrong ; and jeeps aren’t exactly known for their stellar safety features. That plus the fact that my digestive issues aren’t quite known for cooperating when it comes to long car rides. But whatever - it would be an “experience”, an adventure if you will, and my curiosity won that little battle easily. Before I knew it, the jeep had arrived and if nothing else, I knew I was going to look super cool for the rest of that Saturday night.
I don’t know much – i.e. anything – about vehicles, having lived in a city where I didn’t need one for nine years, and I couldn’t tell an ultra expensive car from the most economical automobile if you paid me, but the sight of that rugged yet sleek silver jeep was immediately the epitome of vehicular coolness in the book of Sara. A taste of my apprehension returned when I noticed the sizable safety warning above the windshield– a warning that I will not repeat, as I don’t want to worry any family and friends who may be reading this, but I put my trust in the friend behind the wheel and we were off. You may be thinking, “That’s great, Sara, but isn’t this blog attempting to focus on the beauty that goes beyond the superficial and obvious? Aren’t you trying to look beneath the surface? So this was a visibly pleasing vehicle that was different than anything you’d ever ridden in. That’s great – but an “aha moment”?! Come on…” My reply would be that while this aspect of the jeep was a lot of fun on a certain level, if that had been the high point of the ride I wouldn’t be moved to write about it now. No - what happened is actually something that is difficult for me to put into words. I was riding down a road that I have ridden on countless times, in many different vehicles, as far back as I can recall, and yet it was new – brand new. Sitting a little higher, gazing at the passing trees, businesses, homes through this wide, rectangular windshield that allowed me to see so much more of the road and my surroundings than I had ever noticed before, feeling my entire body jostle and shift with every bump in the road. I felt everything – really felt it – and that was when it hit me. I realized what I had been given in all my loss – a new start, a fresh perspective, a different way of looking at and therefore living my life – and it was beautiful. For the first time in years, I felt hope – real hope. I felt more alive than I ever imagined I would feel again. I was enjoying each moment as it came, and for the first time in a very, very long time I had fun. Real fun. That momentary revelation in that jeep seemed to open the door to a whole new world for me, but it really wasn’t new - it was just a new way of looking at it that I may not have discovered otherwise. I had a wonderful time in Pittsburgh, and despite continued bumps in my road back to health and happiness, I have had many other truly fun experiences since that evening.
I've also been fortunate enough to have a recurring spot in the passenger seat of that Wrangler for many of those fun experiences, and that has not only served to cement my new found affection for this vehicle, it has also offered a blaring reminder that I am fully alive and I should embrace it each time I climb inside. Whether bumming a ride to a doctor’s appointment or taking a winding country road to reach a breathtaking scenic view of my new West Virginia hometown, it has been like a wonderful jolt of confidence and security as soon as I buckle up and the jeep rolls forward. I’ve done a bit of lay person reading on the jeep, to satisfy my own curiosity and to make sure I know what I’m writing about, and that has only made it that much clearer to me why an SUV of sorts would have such an impact on my outlook. There are many mentions on various pro-jeep websites of the wrangler being for either the young or the young at heart. I realized that because of my entire teenage life being lost in a sense as a slave to anorexia and then moving to a city where no one drove, save cabbies, I had missed out on that feeling of freedom and exhilaration that comes from riding around as a young person. Couple that with the fact that just a few months ago, I truly felt like my life was as close to over as it could get, and it feels absolutely incredible to have this constant reminder that not only am I very much alive, I really haven’t missed out on anything. Far from it. I’m experiencing everything I could hope to experience, in the way that’s just right for me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I thought it might be fun to offer a link to a great little article I found regarding the pros and cons of owning a Wrangler. Much like my choice to live in the city that never sleeps for a time, a jeep is definitely an acquired taste. But regardless of your current level of interest or lack there of, I strongly suggest you give this list a look. I don’t know that it will serve to inspire you, but it’s my hope that knowing that something – anything- has inspired me so greatly when I thought nothing could will in turn, give you the little push you may be needing to discover your own source of inspiration, that little something that says, “You’re alive! It’s awesome! Enjoy it!”, whatever it may be. And if your interest is peaked enough to scan the pros and cons list, don’t let the cons scare you. Just make sure to ride with an experienced jeep owner and you’ll be just fine. I can’t promise you’ll look as cool as if you were riding in the silver beauty pictured above - which by the way, is the only silver Wrangler with matching silver flairs in the city of Morgantown – but I can promise you that you will not care what you look like. You’ll be too busy having the time of your life.
