MAILE

"Her green plastic watering can
for her fake Chinese rubber plant
in the fake plastic earth....
that she bought from a rubber man
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself.
It wears her out. It wears her out."

- Fake Plastic Trees
by Radiohead

To me, truly good conversation is one of the most beautiful things we can experience with another human being. There's a reason we call it the art of conversation. This phrase often brings to mind an elegant little table by a sunlit window of a Parisian cafe', late in the afternoon, sipping espresso with a companion, discussing our latest thought provoking read, why our favorite films are such, or that brilliant guitarist that plays on the corner every Saturday night. Or perhaps sitting by the lake after a leisurely walk along the water, sharing deep rooted beliefs, fears, hopes, dreams, along with mindless chatter of new crushes and career frustrations, before admiring the breathtaking view. Yes, I may be pushing it a little, but a good discussion does exalt the mind and spirit --pleasing the senses on many levels. The perfect marriage of language and thought. Even though many of ours have taken place on noisy subway cars, through a series of emails, or via a garbled phone call courtesy of Skype -- this is how I feel about every conversation with Maile. That's not to say that every discussion offers such profound emotional intensity--but they are always enjoyable, always enlightening, and frequently offering some sort of wonderful and unexpected revelation for one, or both of us. Conversation at its finest.

It seems like our chats have been this way from the start, but in hindsight, I see a process or maybe more like a journey --not unlike Maile's continued journey to self-acceptance and hopefully (eventually) self love. Although I know she would have been flattered by the invitation, Maile never would have agreed to be a part of this blog a few years ago...at least, not unless she was made anonymous. I am truly honored that my little blog could be a stepping stone on her journey, and am delighted that she actually gave me her blessing to post her photo. She willingly let me snap away as we engaged in some extreme silliness during her most recent visit to NYC -- as you will soon read, yet another important stepping stone.

When I first broached the subject of the blog --yes, during one of our artful "A train" discussions-- Maile said yes, but nearly recanted almost immediately, with something to the effect of a doubtful, "I'll ramble. I'll be all over the place. I'll probably contradict myself." I told her that that was exactly why I asked her. That's honesty, and honesty is beautiful. It's a part of her journey,and journeys are often fraught with indecision, contradiction, and doubt. But it is through all that confusion that we learn to experience the fullness, growth, and ultimate joy of life in a much more fulfilling way. A way that allows us to discover and recognize the beauty that exists all around us...even in us. Beauty that is certainly in you, Maile.


What is beauty?

When I was young, I think I did what a lot of kids do -- compare myself to images on the tv and in magazines. In Hawaii, where I grew up, Asian girls proceeded to make themselves close to the perceived image of beauty--by perming and coloring our very straight hair and having surgery or sticking glue on our eyes to make them have a "double fold". All that aside, I knew I wasn't pretty based on any cultural standard of beauty. I wasn't thin like other Asian girls and didn't have a small oval face, rosebud lips, etc. I thought being beautiful was the key to happiness. When I studied fashion design in college, I learned that "Beauty" is all about proportion, symmetry, and flawlessness. (and that fashion is a business that tries to generate insecurity) But in college I also took art classes, and it was my salvation because drawing people was all about capturing individuality and not some idealized Greek proportion.

Now that I'm older, I realized I should have appreciated my youth and not been so obsessed with my appearance--which wasn't so bad. I didn't want to go to the beach in Hawaii (!) 'cause I felt too fat to be seen in a swimsuit...how stupid is that? (That's not to say that it's easy to withstand the criticism that comes with bearing the bulges...)

I think beauty is not just visual. What gives you joy is beautiful. Your cat, a great meal, a work of art, a piece of music, whatever.....



What is your most beautiful attribute and why? (This can be physical or otherwise...depending on how you read the question!)


Well. this might sound a bit sappy, but I think everybody's most beautiful attribute is the ability to make another person feel loved. People all need a little compassion, attention, and love. I'm not saying I'm good at doling out the TLC, but I'm working on being more attentive to my friends and relatives, and maybe giving a little joy with my art.....



Name one body image hang-up that you have overcome or are working on overcoming. How did you do it , or what are you doing to change how you feel about it?


I think I've gotten over a lot of things, although I think the critic in me will always be there. Someone once told me, "Your face is your gift to the world -- you should be more generous."

But now I've got no time to be obsessed with beauty. Forget being beautiful, it's more about what I want to do with my life and doing something meaningful. I try to say, "This is it! Try to be happy and healthy." A happy face is a beautiful face. I didn't let anyone take pictures of me in my 20's because I figured I was so unattractive. Now there's very little visual record of having existed. These days I let friends take photos, although I'm still wary of posting them online.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be ?


I think the whole obsession with flawlessness has gotten way out of control. People are more and more plastic. And it's getting to children (as you previously mentioned). At least when I was young there were only magazines and tv. Now with the internet, millions of people scrutinize every bump, bulge, and wrinkle on a movie star's body (and what they are wearing). It's frightening. Film stars used to be older and balder and have larger noses. But now it's Nicole Kidman wearing a prosthetic nose....or maybe George Clooney can gain a few pounds. One good thing is that there's more ethnic diversity, but all the Asian actresses are flawlessly beautiful as well. I'm hoping the recession will make botox and plastic surgery less appealing....


It's great that you're having this discussion, Sara, even though I found this very difficult to do. It goes without saying --you're beautiful!