KATIE

"Beauty...when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her soul."
-Nate Dircks

The moment I decided to give this blog a try,there was no question about who I would feature in my first post. It was actually Katie who inspired the idea for this site in the first place. I was looking through some photos I had taken over the summer,when I came across one of Katie waiting for some friends outside a restaurant. She was deep in thought and had no idea that I was snapping away. As I looked at this photo, I studied her expression, her eyes, wondered what she was thinking,and found myself moved by her beauty. Katie happens to be one of my dearest friends,and it's because of this that I'm aware of her daily struggles with body image and overall appearance. Looking at her photo,I couldn't help but wish that she could see what I was seeing.Why is this? Why are truly beautiful people believing they are ugly and worthless? What if I could open up a discussion about this very topic? Would it change anything? I thought it was worth a try,and I knew Katie would be game. There are very few people more honest and willing to speak their mind....but this proved to be a bigger challenge than either of us expected.

Below are four very loaded questions regarding beauty,each followed by Katie's response. There are no right or wrong answers. I simply asked that she be honest. It's not an easy task to expose one's insecurities and vulnerabilities,but she did it. And for the record, I'm proud of her.


What is beauty?


Beauty is...is...is....I can't even answer this question. I feel like a jerk because when I hear the word 'beautiful', an image of some thin, amazingly appealing, no flab, perfect person comes to my mind. Let's say, for instance, Keira Knightley or Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson....or someone who is exotic, or has sharp features and 'perfect' everything. Now I feel like a fraud or shallow because I know that is not the real meaning of beauty,especially when I think of some of the friends in my life or when looking at my niece. My friends are very real women,full of confidence,zest,and life. They walk tall in their ownership of everything they are. I think to myself, "Why is it that they seem so happy and confident?" . They are comfortable and embrace who they are, flaws (if you can even call them that) and all!
Beauty is something that seems so visual and so "looks" driven,but if you take the time to think about it, it's more about your own acceptance of who you are that creates an energy inside you that shows on the outside. I guess maybe beauty does have more to do with who you are than what you look like. I think it's actually more like lust when it's only a physical thing. An object of desire that holds your physical attention...but shouldn't beauty have more to do with the soul than the eye?




What is your most beautiful attribute and why? (this can be physically speaking or otherwise...it depends on how you read it!)



Physically speaking, I like my eyes. I feel the eyes reflect a person's inner beauty. I have an ocean of kindness inside me, a desire to help others at any cost. I would sacrifice and do almost anything for someone who needed it. This is very true for my family and friends,but I also have the desire to help those I don't even know. If I could do anything I wanted in the world, it would be to go around and help people--cook for them,read to them, keep them company, and give them hugs, and most importantly, love. I would show them that they do have things to be thankful for,and would be a blessing to them and enrich their lives.



Name one body image hang-up that you've overcome or are working on overcoming. Tell us how you did it or what you're doing to change how you feel about it.


To be totally honest, right now, I HATE my body. I think my hips are too big and that my booty is too. Yeah,that can be an okay thing, but not when you grew up in a very small town in middle America,where every girl was a thin, no curves kind of person. I don't feel that I have any flare to add to these curves,and I can never find jeans that fit. It makes me feel very upset a lot of the time. It's often a battle leaving my house because I just don't feel okay in my body. I know that people assume that it wouldn't be a problem if I didn't eat the way I do, but I have gone to great lengths, some extreme and even unhealthy, to change my body, and still had no drastic change in my appearance.

I have recently read some books on how to have a better body image and how to love my body regardless of its flaws. It's a challenge at best, and I have some days that are better than others. The book that has helped me the most so far is "The Four Day Win" by Martha Beck. She talks about joining a team with your body. If you constantly tell yourself that you look fat and you'll never look any better, it creates more and more feelings of sadness and hate. This can lead us to negative behaviors with food because we feel bad and do not respect our bodies enough to feed them the right things on a consistent basis. If we practice,and I repeat PRACTICE, saying positive things about our bodies, it creates a new level of respect. For example, " I love my legs because I can run 3 miles in thirty minutes,and without them I would not be able to do this. I love and appreciate my body because it holds my inner self...me."

I have to fake truly believing this right now, but it has been helping. It also helps to talk to others. It's surprising that people I thought had no issues, also have something they don't like. Everyone has something they wish they could change. Being kind to yourself is key. I am working on being patient and understanding with how my body works instead of giving up when I don't see any results. Also,don't deny yourself enjoyment because of a negative body image. Sometimes I won't want to go to a party because I feel I look bad, but if I force myself to go anyway, I end up having a great time with my friends and ultimately feel better.




If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society,what would it be?



I will answer with a quote from " The Witch of Portobello" by Paulo Coelho....

" We have survived for all these millenia because we have been able to eat. And now that seems to have become a curse. Why/what is it that makes us, at forty, want to have the same body we had when we were young? Is it possible to stop
time? Of course not! And why should we be thin? We don't need to be thin. We buy books, go to gyms, expend a lot of brainpower on trying to hold back time, when we should be celebrating the miracle of being here in this world. Instead of thinking how to live better,we're obsessed with weight. Forget about all that!
.....Eat in moderation, but take pleasure in eating. It isn't what enters a persons mouth that is evil,but what leaves it. Whose idea was it that we had to be thin? I'll tell you-vampires of the soul, those who are so afraid of the future that they think it's possible to stop the wheel of time. Use the energy you put into dieting to nourish yourself with spiritual bread.......Instead of artificially burning those calories, try to transform that energy into what's required to fight for your
dreams."

I think that our society puts entirely too much focus on the outside appearance of things. Look this way, buy this car, be this person, and life will be better. I think if we really look at our inner selves, we will find the right things to fill us up and realize that we need not focus so much on what everyone looks like.