MORGAN

"And I just want my life to be true.
And I just want my heart to be true.
And I just want my words to be true.

I want my soul to feel brand new."

- A Gift For Melody Anne by The Avett Brothers

The quest. Such an exhilarating prospect. I was born with a seemingly insatiable need to know, and I have been searching and exploring for as long as I can remember. Whether navigating my way through the "forbidden" forest of pine trees in a neighbor's yard, daring to have our club meeting on the ledge of "Dead Man's Cliff" (in actuality, a small but steep hill filled with unruly weeds), testing the neighborhood mailbox to see if it made a good sliding board (it did), or turning the old oak tree into an impromptu basketball hoop -- my childhood had no limit to possibilities. Even as a young adult, moving solo to an enormous city in which I knew no one was the perfect example of that need to search and discover. But I find that the circumstances surrounding this constant quest change greatly for many of us as we grow. As adults, the search seems to become less about appreciating what we've found and more about taking our latest discovery and judging it, analyzing it, and then moving on to see if we might find something even better. I'm every bit as guilty as the next person , but I feel that in this analysis and picking apart , we often lose the beauty of the circumstances, the person, the moment.

What fascinates me about Morgan is that he still explores with the curiosity of a child, yet has the wisdom to appreciate it for what it is before moving on to something else. Beauty seems to follow him wherever he goes, but in actuality, he's simply noticing it, taking it in, appreciating it. He continues on his search , not because there is something better, but because there is something different, something beautiful in a way that's not quite like anything he's noticed before. Each new discovery making his world a little more beautiful along the way. Pretty wise for a young soul.

We had scheduled our little interview on a day that started out a less than great day for both of us, but keeping with Morgan's philosophy, we not only met to chat anyway, but also found a neat little park that neither of us had been to before. Perhaps circumstances were not the best, and maybe the park wasn't the grandest or prettiest park in Brooklyn, but it was still beautiful in its own unique way. A way that , had I not put my worries aside and sat down to discuss, listen, notice, and appreciate, I may have missed entirely.

Although somewhat condensed for time and effect, what you are about to read are Morgan's candid thoughts on beauty. He expressed an interest in being interviewed after his very first reading of the blog , and I was more than willing to hear any new ideas he might have in mind. He said that he would prefer to have more of a real time discussion instead of writing out his thoughts and possibly over thinking things a bit , so that's just what we did. Armed with a tape recorder-- complete with a microphone, no less--we hit a cozy park bench and chatted for the better part of an hour. Once I realized that I had the recorder on "hold", and therefore was not recording anything , we were able to remedy the situation and have a discussion that certainly left me with the sense that world was even more beautiful than when we first sat down. Enjoy......

So, what was it about the blog that peaked your interest and made you want to be a part of it?


Do you want to test it again and see if it's okay? Test, Test, Test. Hopefully this will work....I think that the conversation is one that should happen and doesn't happen often enough. I feel like, in leaving the concept of beauty up to external forces--often times advertisers who are trying to sell you something--you lose a lot of the complexity and the variety. A variety of things can be beautiful, and there are different types of beauty. It's not just as simple as I think it's often made out to be.


On that note, I'll ask you what beauty is to you?


I think at its very core , beauty is a way of looking at the world. There are so many different facets to it. There's physical beauty, but there's also natural beauty--and different people see different things as beautiful. It really is in the eye of the beholder in the sense that any number of people can look at the exact same thing, and some will think it's beautiful and some will not. And just because there's a consensus on something doesn't necessarily make it any more or less true for any one individual.



You said that you think this is a conversation that should happen. Do you think that people are afraid to talk about beauty, and if so, why do you think that is?

I don't know....maybe not afraid, but I feel like there are a lot of conversations that people tend not to have because it's a conversation that goes a little bit deeper. Most conversations are , "Hi... How are you?", and it's implied that the answer should just be, "Fine". There are a lot of conversations that people don't tend to have because it makes life easier not to think too much about specific topics, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it. And that's one of the reasons--again, going back--that interested me in doing this blog. It's actually an attempt to restart the conversation and something that dares to go beyond the basic, "How are you?", and actually look for some kind of truth. That, in its own way, is a beautiful thing.


Truth?


Oh yeah.



Still rolling--that's good. Another question I normally ask is, what is your most beautiful attribute? It can be physical...or not. Or both! Whatever you think.


The physical attribute I've gotten told the most often would be my eyes, but if it was up to me, I would say it would not be physical, and I would go with my sense of adventure. I think that is my most beautiful attribute.



As far as physical beauty goes, do you have any hang-ups about your appearance that you've overcome?


Yeah....I mean, I definitely have physical hang-ups. I think everyone does. The biggest one would be that I was always a little on the chubbier side, and in the last year I've lost like 30 lbs., so that's probably....



I never would have guessed that.


I get that a lot, which is strange because for so long I was the funny, chubby kid. You know ,if life was a teen movie, I was the overweight best friend. I was the sweet funny character. That is what I did.



I'm trying to come up with a question that has to do with your being an actor, but I'm drawing a blank.


I've got something! So, truth and beauty, I feel , go hand in hand. There's beauty to truth, even if it's not an attractive truth. As long as it's something that's really true, I feel like it's got some degree of beauty to it. I like acting and theatre because I feel like, at its best, it's searching for moments of truth, and that is a beautiful thing. I definitely know that when I see something that's really beautiful, it strikes me as true, and if I see something that I feel is untruthful, regardless of its physical beauty, I'm completely unattracted to it. That extends itself into people too. The truth is easy. It's buoyant. Where as dishonesty is heavy, and you have to fight to keep it above water. When you let go of deception--of yourself or others--it's just so much easier. And the positivity in that--the lightness--can be really beautiful. You're free to express whatever or whoever you want to be, and I think that freedom can be beautiful as well. I think that everything positive is connected, and if you make the simple decision that you want to live life with beauty and truth and lightness and ease, it starts a domino effect, and that can't help but improve the world--as lofty as that sounds.



If you could change one thing about society's current standard of beauty, what would it be?



I would say that I'd like to see more flexibility. I feel that there's such a rigid idea of what's beautiful, and it changes. What's beautiful to society now is not what was beautiful a couple hundred years ago. And who knows, in another couple hundred years, what it will be. Kinda broaden the horizons a little bit. Like, if you're not blond with giant boobs, you can still be beautiful. I had a job in the fashion industry for a little while, and one day my job was to take pictures of models--not as professional photography--but to send off because they were trying to decide which model to use. It was the first time I had seen a bunch of models up close. So often they're held up as the epitome of beauty. They do have a strange kind of beauty about them , but I personally, didn't think a single one of them was attractive. I think it's strange that such an emphasis is placed on such a limited kind of beauty, and then that becomes the ideal that people are trying to match themselves to. I feel like without the fashion industry, those people might not be held up as beautiful. I think that's not what most people should be going for, and I discourage anyone from trying to be that.



Lastly, to take a note from one of our Michael Chekhov exercises, what are some things--off the top of your head--that you find beautiful?


Babies. Little babies? Adorable! Tiny little fingers, little fingernails--they're so small! It's amazing! And puppy dogs. I have to be dragged away from pet store windows, lest I break in and steal all the puppies and take them home with me. Natural beauty is a big one for me, and that's a little hard coming from California and living in New York now. New York's got a different kind of beauty. I feel it's a little harder to find. Natural beauty is more accessible. In California there's the rocky coast lines and the redwood trees and the fog rolling in off the ocean. That's gonna be beautiful either way. But at the same time, a full moon peeking out from behind a giant skyscraper can be its own kind of beautiful. It just depends on how you want to see it, because most everything can be beautiful if you want it to be.

I really do think it can be a conscious choice. You can just decide you want the world to be a beautiful place, and then you'll look for it. And because you're looking for it, you'll find it. And you'll find it in places that you didn't think you would find it. I can't put a specific moment on when I made that decision, but it was definitely within the last few years. I wasn't unhappy, but definitely not enjoying life as much as I am now, and part of it was just a decision that I was gonna enjoy it and it was gonna be beautiful. And now it is. When I see people who don't see beautiful things, it baffles me now. It seems so basic a thing to see a tree that's starting to bloom because it's Spring, and think that's beautiful. I can't imagine living life if you weren't able to enjoy the simple things that are beautiful....

Paintings. Sculptures. With art it's almost a physical reaction for me. I like playing the "wander-through-the-museum-and-pick-what-you-would-take-home" game. Walk into a room and see what jumps out at you, what's the first thing that smacks you across the face. Like, " Wow. I want THAT! Something about that says something about me, or connects with something in me". I think that's also part of beauty --the connection. And possibly connection to whoever made it. Somebody else thought that that was beautiful enough to make, so maybe it's a reaffirming of yourself and your feelings. It reconnects you to the human race at large. Theatre can do that too. Shakespeare is like that for me. That's why I love Shakespeare. It was written forever ago, and yet still it's like, this person who lived hundreds of years ago knows exactly how I feel. And I think maybe that's an aspect of beauty as well--the reconnecting and recognizing that other people have the same feelings.




The last beautiful thing that Morgan mentioned was actually prompted by me, based on his response when we had done this exercise with our theatre company. I distinctly remembered him mentioning baby ducks in free fall. Given that he's so well traveled and quite adventurous, I had to know if he had somehow witnessed this phenomenon in person. He had not, but he proceeded to share, in great and perfect detail, the tale of the baby ducks' first flight from the Planet Earth series. In the spirit of connection and the sharing of beauty that Morgan spoke of , I feel it fitting to leave you with a link to that very segment. Thank you, Morgan....

MAILE

"Her green plastic watering can
for her fake Chinese rubber plant
in the fake plastic earth....
that she bought from a rubber man
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself.
It wears her out. It wears her out."

- Fake Plastic Trees
by Radiohead

To me, truly good conversation is one of the most beautiful things we can experience with another human being. There's a reason we call it the art of conversation. This phrase often brings to mind an elegant little table by a sunlit window of a Parisian cafe', late in the afternoon, sipping espresso with a companion, discussing our latest thought provoking read, why our favorite films are such, or that brilliant guitarist that plays on the corner every Saturday night. Or perhaps sitting by the lake after a leisurely walk along the water, sharing deep rooted beliefs, fears, hopes, dreams, along with mindless chatter of new crushes and career frustrations, before admiring the breathtaking view. Yes, I may be pushing it a little, but a good discussion does exalt the mind and spirit --pleasing the senses on many levels. The perfect marriage of language and thought. Even though many of ours have taken place on noisy subway cars, through a series of emails, or via a garbled phone call courtesy of Skype -- this is how I feel about every conversation with Maile. That's not to say that every discussion offers such profound emotional intensity--but they are always enjoyable, always enlightening, and frequently offering some sort of wonderful and unexpected revelation for one, or both of us. Conversation at its finest.

It seems like our chats have been this way from the start, but in hindsight, I see a process or maybe more like a journey --not unlike Maile's continued journey to self-acceptance and hopefully (eventually) self love. Although I know she would have been flattered by the invitation, Maile never would have agreed to be a part of this blog a few years ago...at least, not unless she was made anonymous. I am truly honored that my little blog could be a stepping stone on her journey, and am delighted that she actually gave me her blessing to post her photo. She willingly let me snap away as we engaged in some extreme silliness during her most recent visit to NYC -- as you will soon read, yet another important stepping stone.

When I first broached the subject of the blog --yes, during one of our artful "A train" discussions-- Maile said yes, but nearly recanted almost immediately, with something to the effect of a doubtful, "I'll ramble. I'll be all over the place. I'll probably contradict myself." I told her that that was exactly why I asked her. That's honesty, and honesty is beautiful. It's a part of her journey,and journeys are often fraught with indecision, contradiction, and doubt. But it is through all that confusion that we learn to experience the fullness, growth, and ultimate joy of life in a much more fulfilling way. A way that allows us to discover and recognize the beauty that exists all around us...even in us. Beauty that is certainly in you, Maile.


What is beauty?

When I was young, I think I did what a lot of kids do -- compare myself to images on the tv and in magazines. In Hawaii, where I grew up, Asian girls proceeded to make themselves close to the perceived image of beauty--by perming and coloring our very straight hair and having surgery or sticking glue on our eyes to make them have a "double fold". All that aside, I knew I wasn't pretty based on any cultural standard of beauty. I wasn't thin like other Asian girls and didn't have a small oval face, rosebud lips, etc. I thought being beautiful was the key to happiness. When I studied fashion design in college, I learned that "Beauty" is all about proportion, symmetry, and flawlessness. (and that fashion is a business that tries to generate insecurity) But in college I also took art classes, and it was my salvation because drawing people was all about capturing individuality and not some idealized Greek proportion.

Now that I'm older, I realized I should have appreciated my youth and not been so obsessed with my appearance--which wasn't so bad. I didn't want to go to the beach in Hawaii (!) 'cause I felt too fat to be seen in a swimsuit...how stupid is that? (That's not to say that it's easy to withstand the criticism that comes with bearing the bulges...)

I think beauty is not just visual. What gives you joy is beautiful. Your cat, a great meal, a work of art, a piece of music, whatever.....



What is your most beautiful attribute and why? (This can be physical or otherwise...depending on how you read the question!)


Well. this might sound a bit sappy, but I think everybody's most beautiful attribute is the ability to make another person feel loved. People all need a little compassion, attention, and love. I'm not saying I'm good at doling out the TLC, but I'm working on being more attentive to my friends and relatives, and maybe giving a little joy with my art.....



Name one body image hang-up that you have overcome or are working on overcoming. How did you do it , or what are you doing to change how you feel about it?


I think I've gotten over a lot of things, although I think the critic in me will always be there. Someone once told me, "Your face is your gift to the world -- you should be more generous."

But now I've got no time to be obsessed with beauty. Forget being beautiful, it's more about what I want to do with my life and doing something meaningful. I try to say, "This is it! Try to be happy and healthy." A happy face is a beautiful face. I didn't let anyone take pictures of me in my 20's because I figured I was so unattractive. Now there's very little visual record of having existed. These days I let friends take photos, although I'm still wary of posting them online.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be ?


I think the whole obsession with flawlessness has gotten way out of control. People are more and more plastic. And it's getting to children (as you previously mentioned). At least when I was young there were only magazines and tv. Now with the internet, millions of people scrutinize every bump, bulge, and wrinkle on a movie star's body (and what they are wearing). It's frightening. Film stars used to be older and balder and have larger noses. But now it's Nicole Kidman wearing a prosthetic nose....or maybe George Clooney can gain a few pounds. One good thing is that there's more ethnic diversity, but all the Asian actresses are flawlessly beautiful as well. I'm hoping the recession will make botox and plastic surgery less appealing....


It's great that you're having this discussion, Sara, even though I found this very difficult to do. It goes without saying --you're beautiful!

GREAT MINDS...

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is in full swing,and because of this I've been a pretty frequent visitor to NEDA's website, doing my best to stay in the loop about any and all events set to mark this special occasion. In the spirit of awareness-- being the first and most important step in winning this battle-- I thought I'd share a few of NEDA's informational videos. Time is precious,but I hope that you'll sacrifice a few minutes to watch them. I find it interesting that NEDA's current PSA has quite a bit in common with a post featured further down the page. Great minds, perhaps...

http://vimeo.com/2852584

And after all this talk of NEDA this and NEDA that, here's a wonderfully informative video about eating disorders and why this particular organization is vital to our battle against them.

http://vimeo.com/2567743

If you're in NYC this week and have yet to RSVP to "Turning The Lens On Eating Disorders" scheduled for this Thursday, February 26th at 7:00pm at Pace University, please consider doing so. For attendance confirmation, please send an email to nyfilm@myneda.org by the end of the day tomorrow (Wednesday, February 25th). Thanks so much for your continued support.

JENNIFER

"When you reach the heart of life, you shall find beauty in all things...even in the eyes that are blind to beauty." -Kahlil Gibran

25 Random Things About Me. Love it or hate it, if you've used facebook within the past month, you know all too well what I'm talking about. For those of you who have somehow managed to elude a facebook addiction thus far, it's exactly as it sounds -- an exercise where you're asked to come up with 25 interesting and possibly unknown facts about yourself, then share them with 300 or so of your closest online friends. We frequent facebookers have most likely been "tagged"-- or asked to share our own 25 facts-- at least 10 times in the past few weeks. The New York Times even ran a feature on this very phenomenon, offering an interesting debate about whether our current obsession with this fun little activity should be viewed as positive or negative. I myself have mixed feelings about it. That said, I can't deny that this exercise is solely responsible for the fruition of the wonderful interview you're about to read.

Jennifer and I met a few months ago,when she was invited to join an up-and-coming theatre company in the heart of midtown, of which I was also a fairly new member. The company was fortunate enough to have a huge influx of new talent at the time, so with the set-up of about 50 virtual strangers trying to get to know each other at once, Jen and I really didn't talk much , aside from the standard, "Hey!" or "Have a good night!". I did however,notice Jennifer. Her critiques and comments about presented work were always thought provoking and honest, obviously springing from a deep passion for the art of theatre. And her own excellent stage work immediately caught my attention and garnered my respect as a fellow actor. But it wasn't until we became facebook "friends" a few weeks ago, that we finally began to talk a little more.

One particular evening after logging in for my usual social networking fix, I noticed that Jennifer had posted her own 25 random facts. As I clicked to read them, I had no doubts that I would find her information interesting and entertaining,but I never expected a little post (on facebook of all places!) to be so profound. I knew immediately that I had to get Jen's thoughts on beauty. I hadn't spoken with her about the blog before, so I wasn't sure if she'd be willing to put herself out there--but her response was an emphatic yes,and I am truly thrilled to be able to share her thoughts with you. I'm sure it will inspire you as much as it has me. So thank you facebook and thank you Jen. I feel a full voiced, "You go, girl!" is definitely in order.


What is beauty?

To me beauty is equated with truth, with being present in the moment and really taking someone in....because if you are paying attention, there is a lot to discover in a person's body language. I think that the eyes are the most telling gauge of beauty in a person. There is beauty in the most angry gesture or look because within that is life, if it is an honest moment. And that is why I can see beauty in moments like death, in danger, sadness -- every sense is heightened at times like this. At times of great despair, if you can find the slightest hint of beauty in the people or environment you are surrounded by, you can find hope. I think of Fellini when I think of beauty, and how he was able to capture the beauty of life so effortlessly and gracefully in his films.



What is your most beautiful attribute and why? This can be physical or otherwise. (It depends on how you read the question!)

I think that on a physical level, my eyes and smile are the most beautiful attributes I have to share with the world. My eyes--not only because they are big and blue, but because of what you can read about me by looking into them. My smile--because it comes from a genuine place and is the matching half to my eyes. As for the non-physical beauty, I think my compassion, vulnerability, openness, my deep inner strength, and wisdom are what truly make me beautiful. Ok, that's not one thing, but there you have it :)



Name one body image hang-up that you've overcome or are working on overcoming. Tell me how you did it or what you're doing to change how you feel about it.

One (of several) body image hang-ups that I have is that I have stretch marks from weight gain/loss over the years, and they have always felt like some hideous road map on my skin. They have faded over the years, but they still feel like ugly scars to me. I guess what I am doing to try to change how I feel about it is to think of them as my own skin pattern, unique to my experience. They are a reminder of what I have gone through so that I may never take what I have now for granted.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be?

Ugh. There are so many things wrong with the current standards of beauty. I think the whole system needs a re-working. But if I had to choose just one thing, it would be the obsession with perfect breasts. No wonder women have such hang-ups with their breasts, the way they are objectified by the media. As an actor, as well as a woman, I think there is tremendous pressure to have perfect, perky breasts. Please! I think Europeans are more sane and realistic on this issue. We are not Barbie dolls and shouldn't be expected to risk our health to look like one.

NEDAwareness Week 2009

Originally started in 1987 by professionals in the eating disorders field, NEDA's (National Eating Disorders Association) NEDAwareness Week has grown to become the largest eating disorders outreach effort in the country, taking place each February during the last week of the month. 2009's official Awareness Week is set to take place February 22-28,and ED advocates from all over are gearing up to do their part. Many large scale events are scheduled in major cities across the country, but this is also a great opportunity for you to organize your own Awareness Week event. You can register online via the NEDA website, and in doing so, gain access to wonderful resources pertinent to this year's theme and the overall mission of the week. And of course,the battle against eating disorders continues every minute of every day, so whatever you can do to help --educate,prevent,work for better treatment alternatives and accessibility,etc--whenever you can do it, is every bit as important as anything accomplished during this special week.

As far as those larger events go, I've listed a few of them below and will continue to post information about these events as more details become available. If you have any events scheduled in your area that you would like me to post, please shoot me an email and I'll do what I can to spread the word. And if you would like to be involved but aren't aware of any events in your area, click the link below to find NEDA events near you.

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/p.asp?WebPage_ID=550



2009 Eating Disorders Awareness Week Events

New York City


Thursday, February 26,2009 7:00pm "Turning the Lens on Eating Disorders"
Pace University, Lecture Hall West, 1 Pace Plaza 2nd Floor, NYC


From the press release: "Mix,mingle,and join NEDA at the movies as we screen two films that explore the impact of eating disorders, followed by a Panel Discussion led by Eating Disorder expert, Sondra Kronberg MS,RD,CDN and featuring Arol Jahns and Stephanie Schweitzer, writer/producers of ' Swept' and Carla Precht, co-producer/co-director of 'Beauty Mark'."

I will be there helping out and supporting my friend, Stephanie, and would love to have you join us. There is a suggested donation of $20,with all donations to benefit NEDA. I'll be emailing the official invite to many of you soon, but if I don't have your email and you'd like to attend, you can RSVP (by February 25th) to:
nyfilm@myneda.org

Hope to see you there!

Washington DC

Wednesday, February 25,2009 10:00am
Press Conference introducing the FREED Act
the house side of the Capitol Building, Room HC-8


Join Congressman Patrick Kennedy, as he introduces the Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders (FREED) Act. Visit the Eating Disorders Coalition for Research,Policy,and Action website for details and registration.


http://www.eatingdisorderscoalition.org


Seattle, WA

Saturday, February 21st,2009 Seattle NEDA Walk

Check-in registration: 10:30 am
Walk: 11:00 am - 1:00 pm
Seattle Downtown YMCA 909 4th Ave. Seattle,WA



Thursday, February 26th,2009 NEDA Silent Art Auction

6:00-9:00 pm See Sound Lounge 115 Blanchard St. Seattle,WA


For more info on both events,click the link below:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/programs-events/nedawareness-week-auction.php


I hope that each of you will be able to find some way to participate, even if it's simply offering support to someone who might be suffering. Please stay tuned for updates regarding Awareness week...as well as some exciting new posts about beauty coming very soon!

A COLONEL OF WISDOM

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep.
That's deep enough. What do you want...an adorable pancreas?"
-Jean Kerr

When Tim first agreed to be a part of my blog, he made it very clear that his participation was dependent on one very important stipulation - that I refer to him as "The Colonel", his nickname and alter-ego for the better part of his young life. The Colonel is a comedian by profession, and in my opinion, a very funny one. I'll never forget the first time we had dinner together. Tim stood up in the dimly lit, fairly crowded restaurant and proceeded to reenact Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch in its entirety, at full volume. He's also got some stellar impressions ready to go at the drop of a hat. My personal favorites are Stewie Griffin, Christopher Walken, and Gollum. But despite this extroverted funny man aspect, I know that Tim isn't always "on". Without getting too personal, I'm aware that there have been times when this happy-go-lucky young man hasn't felt so good about himself - both in terms of appearance and otherwise. But one thing I admire about Tim is that he doesn't let it rule his life - or even his day. Sure, some days are better than others. Anyone making a career in any sort of creative field knows all too well the inevitable insecurities that come from the constant comparisons and critiques that are simply part of the job. It's easy to get so wrapped up in our negative views of ourselves that we forget to have fun. I can testify under oath that all it takes is one minuscule negative thought, and suddenly you're facing 10 mountains where that one tiny molehill used to be. Tim lets it go. He writes the joke. He makes people laugh. He does what he enjoys, having fun and appreciating the beauty found in simple things. Very much embodying that famous Oscar Wilde quote, "Life is too important to be taken seriously."

As far as appearances go, there are definitely situations where taking it seriously becomes a necessity. I feel my last entry is a clear illustration of that very need...but that is certainly not always the case. Why let a bad hair day keep you from going to that party? Why spend the evening comparing yourself to the model at the other end of the restaurant,when you could be enjoying a romantic dinner with your boyfriend? Tim's example has taught me that when you're having fun, enjoying and appreciating life, it's the essence of who you are that shines through, and that has the power to make you radiant.

For the record, I almost didn't attend that party where Tim and I met a few years ago - all because of a few pimples on my chin. The perfect example of how much power we can give the most insignificant of negative thoughts. I'm really glad I decided to face my insecurities and go anyway. I had fun, and I made a good friend in the process. So without further ado, here are the Colonel's answers to my questions about beauty. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. In fact, I was so pleased with Tim's responses that I even left the line where he refers to me as "Sar Bear"...as my own personal way of saying thank you.


What is beauty?


I guess I would define beauty as a person's own idea of perfect. I would call it "personal" because what one person might find beautiful, another might find ridiculous or disgusting. And I know it's incredibly cliched to say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", but give me a break - I write poop jokes for a living! Personally, to me beauty is a warm smile lounging next to me on the couch.



What is your most beautiful attribute? (This can be physically speaking or otherwise....it depends on how you read the question!)


I'm gonna take the easy one here, Sar Bear, and say the ol' Cusack quality hair.



Name one body image hang-up that you've overcome or are working on overcoming. Tell me how you did it or what you're doing to change how you feel about it.



Well, I never liked my head...apart from the hair, of course. I can't really explain it. It just feels odd to me...like a big ol' Mexican pumpkin! Okay, that sounds weird. I'm not too worried about it though. I think I'll grow into it around my mid-thirties. Also, I wish I had more interesting eyes. I would kill to have that whole two color thing Bowie's got going on.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be?


I guess the one thing I would change would be the importance of the standards of beauty in society. I always get so annoyed at the fact that someone can make millions just because they were born looking a certain way or cut themselves to look a certain way...which is really just a tradition of what someone thought people should look like years ago. Also, I would make big pumpkin heads more fashionable.

CHILDREN WILL LISTEN

"Careful the things you say,children will listen."

-Stephen Sondheim

Given that the holiday season is upon us, most of those who have signed on to be featured in upcoming posts have a bit too much on their plates to devote the proper time to answering such difficult questions right now. Instead of letting the blog fall to the wayside until the new year,I decided this would be a good opportunity for me to try my hand at writing another post of my own. Choosing my topic,however, proved to be a more difficult decision. After several subway and coffee shop brainstorming sessions, I had many interesting ideas,but nothing that felt quite right. That is, nothing that felt quite right until synchronicity stepped in. I was entering my usual subway route last week, scurrying through an endless sea of commuters and scanning my chosen car for an empty seat. I was a bit flustered, running from one obligation to the next, and once I was seated,completely ready to lose myself in my music and thoughts of the moment. It should have taken a lot to get my attention, but it didn't. All it took was a little girl of about 7 or 8, standing above me. She not only captured my attention,but inspired this post in the process.

I'm sure it was her shining,torso length, golden hair that initially caught my eye,but it was that unmistakable look--the look of the school Christmas pageant circa first or second grade--that held my gaze. The long,puffy hem of her dress peeking out from under her coat, the white tights, the little black shoes, and most importantly, the hair. On special occasions like this, the dress is nothing without the hairdo. I could see that this particular young lady had naturally fine, straight hair, which her mother had obviously gone to great lengths to form into perfect ringlets, forming a cascade of curls that flowed down her pint-sized back. To me, she was the poster child of the school Christmas program. The epitome of sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm sure I was smiling as I was reminded of days past, when I myself wasn't so far from this very image. I was just about to resume my thoughtful music listening when I became distracted yet again. This time it was the shrill voices of two college aged young women, engaging in an apparently, very exciting conversation. My first instinct was to reach for the volume dial,but I stopped short when I realized they were discussing their appearances. Both because of this blog and because I've struggled with appearance issues myself, I started to half listen. This half listening turned to whole listening when I noticed the little girl's eyes lock in on this very same conversation. It dabbled a little bit in clothing, a little in accessories, and then reached a noticeable focal point with the topic of hair. As the color and texture comparison between the two friends began, I noticed the young girl lean into the subway pole to get a better view. A few times, she picked up a handful of ringlets and studied their color as if to compare notes, then returned all attention to the conversation, eager to hear what would be discussed next. When the shift was made to the matter of curly vs. straight, it was clear that the stakes had been raised.

In all honesty, I was so fascinated by what I was seeing that I don't remember the exact details of what was said from this point on. One point that was made very clear, however, was the consensus that straight hair was preferable. At the first mention of this statement, I watched the little girl's fingers slowly make their way to her hair. As the friends continued to chat, her eyes widened and began to bounce back and forth,as if she was watching the final match of the US Open rather than a discussion on the subway. Slowly, her fingers began to move from the top of her head to the end of each ringlet, discreetly combing through the curls. With each response, they became deeper and deeper entwined in her hair, until it became obvious that she was indeed trying to straighten it. I was astounded. My eyes made their way to the mother, who had finally noticed what was going on, but gave no reaction whatsoever. When the straightening motion reached an almost unbearable level of intensity, the little girl abruptly turned to her mother and pleaded, " Mommy, I want to straighten my hair!" The mother's only response was a rather curt, "We will,but I want Daddy to see it first." I was flabbergasted. This seemingly happy, bubbly little girl, who had paid absolutely no attention to the state of her hair upon entering the train, was now miserable and embarrassed by her curly hair, simply because she overheard a ten minute conversation between two random strangers. As I rose from my seat to exit the train, I felt this overwhelming urge to lean down and tell her that her hair looked beautiful. But feeling that I would be overstepping my boundaries and possibly complicating matters even further, I chose to mind my own business and silently left the car.

I know that this sort of thing happens all the time. Part of being a child is wanting to emulate what we see as "good" in those around us, especially grown-ups. I remember quite vividly, being about 7 or 8 years old, and forcing myself to swallow a mouthful of an Almond Joy candy bar, simply because my dad was eating one too. But this particular circumstance seemed different to me. I can't help but wonder if that little girl will be in constant need of approval, altering her appearance to fit each new trend or popular opinion, and feeling ugly, ashamed, even worthless, if she doesn't get it. Or will she simply be someone who grows to learn who she is, becoming confident and comfortable in her appearance, regardless of whether her hair is long or short, blond or brown, curly or straight. Am I overreacting? Am I merely too sensitive to issues like this? Perhaps. I'm sure that very thought is running through a few minds right now. But I definitely feel this is something worth noting. Those two young women were only doing what young women do, but this is a blatant example of why it's important to consider the possible weight of your words, especially when children are near. As my parents were so fond of saying, "Mouseketeers have big ears".

The deeper I dove into my own battle with anorexia, the more apparent it became to me and those who love me, that at the core this really had nothing to do with weight or vanity. Something much, much deeper was manifesting itself in my outward appearance. But it was my initial desire to change my appearance to look like the "other girls" that led me to diet...which led to my anorexia...which almost killed me. It's not a coincidence that I've chosen to write on my birthday. This January, it will be 10 years since the doctors informed my parents that I would probably die within two weeks. That's 9 birthdays and counting. For those of you who don't believe in miracles, well, call it what you want, but if you've met me you've seen one in the flesh. This year more than ever, I've become increasingly aware of the beauty of family, of true friends, of life, and of love. I never dreamed that it would be even remotely possible for me to know life in this way. And yet for my one tale of triumph, how many are out there who will never know that beauty, not even for a moment? I shudder to think of what so many are suffering this very moment. I'm thankful for having gone through what I did, so that I am able to do exactly what I'm doing...hopefully making a difference. But that's not to say there isn't a part of me that wishes I could go back and have a little talk with the Sara you see above. If I was feeling the pressures of certain standards of beauty when I was growing up, I can't even imagine what it must be like for today's children. If we,as adults, feel bombarded with sensationalized images of perfection, think of how daunting it must be for a young child who hasn't even begun to think about who they are as a person.

Unfortunately, I don't have an eye opening, definitive statement on how to solve this problem. I'm certainly no expert in child psychology. But I have been doing some networking, getting in touch with like minded and like hearted individuals who are concerned about the same issue, and hopefully some new, innovative, and ultimately more effective courses of action can be set in motion. Until then, I don't know. We're only human. We're always going to say the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the presence of the wrong person...possibly a child. We certainly can't be held accountable for how each and every person will interpret what we say and do, or how it might affect them. But I don't think it's too much to ask that we try to acknowledge that there may be someone watching, listening, learning. Perhaps that simple acknowledgment will spark us to be more accepting and less judgmental towards our own perceived flaws. And maybe through that example of learning to be okay with the reflection we see in the mirror, maybe the next little girl will want to keep her curls a little while longer....just to show her daddy how much she likes them.