Healing....

                                                


It certainly sounds like something for which we should feel incredible gratitude and pride. When I think of the healing I have done in the last year alone, embarrassment and shame definitely don't make the list of emotions I feel, and I'd venture to guess I'm not alone in that, if I were to ask those of you who have come through physical and emotional battles of your own. Why is it then, that we're so often embarrassed - even ashamed - of our scars? Here I am with my defiant stance against this age of physical "perfection" that we are perpetually force fed, vowing to love and accept myself the way I AM, and yet those closest to me know that my scars are very high on the list of body image hang ups I have never truly accepted. I can be as proud as a warrior fresh from battle, speaking of my G-tube scar and it's constant reminder of how I conquered my Anorexia -but ask me to show that scar to you, and the term "humiliation" would be an understatement for my shift in emotions. Sure, I've come to feel "ok" with it in intimate situations where there is love and trust, but I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel I was hiding some horrid disfigurement on a daily basis, when I think of that  scar and other imperfections I have acquired from "healing" over the years. A few months ago,someone incredibly special to me attempted to publish these quotes as a comment to one of my posts , but due to an internet glitch that evening, they were lost in cyberspace. I'd like to think I was meant to receive them personally, so that I could not only use them for my own continued healing, but so I could also have the opportunity to pass them along to you. 


I don't know how long it will take, and quite honestly, I don't know exactly how - period - but I am more determined than ever to be as proud of my scars as young Harry is of his in the photo above. It's my sincere hope that you can all feel that way too, and I think reading the beautiful quotations below is an excellent place to start.








"God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars. "
Elbert Hubbard

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. "
Garrison Keillor

"Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is
a perfect map of the London Underground."
 Albus Dumbledore

...and perhaps the best for last:

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive
characters are seared with scars."
Khalil Gibran

JENNIFER

"When you reach the heart of life, you shall find beauty in all things...even in the eyes that are blind to beauty." -Kahlil Gibran

25 Random Things About Me. Love it or hate it, if you've used facebook within the past month, you know all too well what I'm talking about. For those of you who have somehow managed to elude a facebook addiction thus far, it's exactly as it sounds -- an exercise where you're asked to come up with 25 interesting and possibly unknown facts about yourself, then share them with 300 or so of your closest online friends. We frequent facebookers have most likely been "tagged"-- or asked to share our own 25 facts-- at least 10 times in the past few weeks. The New York Times even ran a feature on this very phenomenon, offering an interesting debate about whether our current obsession with this fun little activity should be viewed as positive or negative. I myself have mixed feelings about it. That said, I can't deny that this exercise is solely responsible for the fruition of the wonderful interview you're about to read.

Jennifer and I met a few months ago,when she was invited to join an up-and-coming theatre company in the heart of midtown, of which I was also a fairly new member. The company was fortunate enough to have a huge influx of new talent at the time, so with the set-up of about 50 virtual strangers trying to get to know each other at once, Jen and I really didn't talk much , aside from the standard, "Hey!" or "Have a good night!". I did however,notice Jennifer. Her critiques and comments about presented work were always thought provoking and honest, obviously springing from a deep passion for the art of theatre. And her own excellent stage work immediately caught my attention and garnered my respect as a fellow actor. But it wasn't until we became facebook "friends" a few weeks ago, that we finally began to talk a little more.

One particular evening after logging in for my usual social networking fix, I noticed that Jennifer had posted her own 25 random facts. As I clicked to read them, I had no doubts that I would find her information interesting and entertaining,but I never expected a little post (on facebook of all places!) to be so profound. I knew immediately that I had to get Jen's thoughts on beauty. I hadn't spoken with her about the blog before, so I wasn't sure if she'd be willing to put herself out there--but her response was an emphatic yes,and I am truly thrilled to be able to share her thoughts with you. I'm sure it will inspire you as much as it has me. So thank you facebook and thank you Jen. I feel a full voiced, "You go, girl!" is definitely in order.


What is beauty?

To me beauty is equated with truth, with being present in the moment and really taking someone in....because if you are paying attention, there is a lot to discover in a person's body language. I think that the eyes are the most telling gauge of beauty in a person. There is beauty in the most angry gesture or look because within that is life, if it is an honest moment. And that is why I can see beauty in moments like death, in danger, sadness -- every sense is heightened at times like this. At times of great despair, if you can find the slightest hint of beauty in the people or environment you are surrounded by, you can find hope. I think of Fellini when I think of beauty, and how he was able to capture the beauty of life so effortlessly and gracefully in his films.



What is your most beautiful attribute and why? This can be physical or otherwise. (It depends on how you read the question!)

I think that on a physical level, my eyes and smile are the most beautiful attributes I have to share with the world. My eyes--not only because they are big and blue, but because of what you can read about me by looking into them. My smile--because it comes from a genuine place and is the matching half to my eyes. As for the non-physical beauty, I think my compassion, vulnerability, openness, my deep inner strength, and wisdom are what truly make me beautiful. Ok, that's not one thing, but there you have it :)



Name one body image hang-up that you've overcome or are working on overcoming. Tell me how you did it or what you're doing to change how you feel about it.

One (of several) body image hang-ups that I have is that I have stretch marks from weight gain/loss over the years, and they have always felt like some hideous road map on my skin. They have faded over the years, but they still feel like ugly scars to me. I guess what I am doing to try to change how I feel about it is to think of them as my own skin pattern, unique to my experience. They are a reminder of what I have gone through so that I may never take what I have now for granted.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be?

Ugh. There are so many things wrong with the current standards of beauty. I think the whole system needs a re-working. But if I had to choose just one thing, it would be the obsession with perfect breasts. No wonder women have such hang-ups with their breasts, the way they are objectified by the media. As an actor, as well as a woman, I think there is tremendous pressure to have perfect, perky breasts. Please! I think Europeans are more sane and realistic on this issue. We are not Barbie dolls and shouldn't be expected to risk our health to look like one.