True Bravery is taking a stand against this nonsense....

I have to admit that I was disappointed in "Brave" as a whole, after seeing it in the theater last summer. That said, I was not disappointed one bit in the lessons it had to offer young girls and their families. One thing I don't remember thinking even once was that Merida was not "attractive enough" to be a princess.  I find it absurd that I'm even typing those words, but it is apparently that very idea that has sparked Disney to do something absolutely disgusting and deeply saddening in my eyes. The image you see above is the "new and improved" Merida who supposedly looks more like a princess now. I know that the sexualization of fantasy characters is nothing new, and I know that it seems to have gotten a lot worse in the comic/sci-fi/fantasy realm as geekdom has suddenly turned to "chicdom". But this is Disney. This is a movie with a lesson for young girls, only now that lesson will include that to be that brave and "unique", one also has to show some skin, have a perfect figure, and have the face of a supermodel. I find it highly ironic that by making these changes to Merida, they have taken away everything that made her look unique; everything outwardly that made her an individual and made that individuality beautiful. Based on the number of signatures, I'm relieved to see that there are still people out there who have not given into the societal monster of unattainable physical perfection and ultra-sexualization. I can only hope and pray that these same people will be able to put their signatures into practice in real life.

Below is the link to the petition. I hope that you will sign it. I also have a link to a little article from an Orlando newspaper noting that Merida's creator is appalled at these changes and is in fact, among those who signed the petition. Props to her from me. She is fighting to keep true beauty alive.


https://www.change.org/petitions/disney-say-no-to-the-merida-makeover-keep-our-hero-brave



http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/blogs/beth-kassab/os-brave-creator-joins-petition-against-disneys-merida-make-over-20130513,0,1342190.post

Newsworthy Part One....

I'm sure most of you have read about or seen television reports regarding these notable body image themed headlines by now, but just in case you haven't, I really, REALLY think they both have a lot to say. The first is regarding a young ballet dancer from Maine who managed to get Seventeen magazine to agree to keep from altering body shapes when using Photoshop via an online petition through Change.org. What I found most interesting is that I was sent two different articles about this triumph, and while both positive, one had a much more idealistic view of the "body peace treaty", and the other was anything but shy about continuing to put Seventeen and other similar magazines in the hot seat for failing to admit that they have, in fact, manipulated many images that have contributed to countless young women's obsessions with perfection, and by simply acknowledging that this "Photoshop Lite" approach, while very significant, is also quite small when looking honestly at how much needs to change about our culture's views on appearance and beauty. I've chosen to post a link to latter of the two articles because...well, I'm as willful as they come and I applaud these girls and women who refuse to stop until we all find a way to be at peace with our bodies. "Thank you" seems like an understatement.



http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/2012/0709/Seventeen-magazine-promises-to-stop-manipulating-photos-of-models


P.S. A very special thank you to Maile for passing these along to me and continuing to keep me hopeful and inspired. Stay tuned for Part Two....

Reflection....

*please visit thepoppytree shop on Etsy for the original image and artist info

I found this image last week during a late night perusal of Etsy. I was instantly captivated. Yes, it's a wonderful visual representation of the immense beauty that lies beneath the superficial exterior, but it also got me thinking about what we see when we look in the mirror versus the actual image reflecting back at us. We've all heard over and over again that we always see ourselves much more critically than anyone else does, and anyone who has battled an eating disorder or severe body image issues certainly knows just how extreme our distorted self-images can become, but working in the retail industry rooted in fashion (and thus appearance) for the past year has made me aware of just how distorted the average woman's view of herself has become. I can't tell you how many times a week I hear (in my opinion) completely unfounded complaints from customers and co-workers about how how fat or ugly or old or not good enough (etc.) they are. It's really quite shocking how much more people seem to give voice to their negative self-image in a smaller city, as compared to what was discussed among women I worked and socialized with in New York. To me this is a testament to how very out of control our society's obsession with perfection has become - specifically for women - and how detrimental it is to the essence of who we truly are. I know firsthand, as I have been far from immune to this overflow of negativity. But I also know that I do NOT want to live my life a prisoner to that poisonous thinking for one more second.


It's still difficult to focus when I write on my laptop due to my ongoing post-concussion syndrome, but as I'm finally in OT treatment for it, I hope to continue to post positive messages more and more often as means to combat what is clearly still a vicious epidemic in our culture. I don't know if it will make a difference, but I'm not giving up. There are far too many beautiful, worthwhile people who deserve to feel that way to give up now.

Fresh Air....

It's impossible for me to hide my excitement about this post ; not because of anything I have to say, but because of what I feel it represents. First off, I'm going to break one of my personal blogging "rules" and give thanks where thanks is due. I'm obviously willing to write about a plethora of personal feelings, opinions, and such, but I do my best to keep the details of my life to myself and those who actually happen to be a part of my personal life. That said, this post would not be possible if it weren't for the beauty of a wonderful woman I had the good fortune to "meet" a few weeks ago. And that wouldn't have been possible if my awesome boyfriend hadn't felt compelled to share my blog with some friends of his. He knows who he is and knows how grateful I am, but nonetheless, I feel it's an important factor of my excitement in sharing this post with you.

After he posted a link on a social media site, I was completely stunned and humbled to receive a remarkably thoughtful and heartfelt email from his lovely friend, Ulrike. She and I have both heard a lot about each other, but as Ulrike lives in Germany, we haven't had the opportunity to meet. You can imagine my astonishment that not only did someone I have never met (from overseas, no less) want to follow and support my little blog, but has since been so touched by it that she has already sent me some fantastic contributions that I can't wait to share with you. This is wonderful in and of itself, but to me, this is EXACTLY what I hoped to accomplish when I initially started this project several years ago. I wanted to get people talking. I wanted to reach people. And to be able to inspire even one person through my writing is more than I could ask for. I'll sound like a humbled and grateful broken record soon, but even that seems an understatement when I think of what this means to me.

With all that in mind, I'm super excited to share this first contribution from Ulrike. The image above was part of an ad from her local family department store. But what makes this ad so unique is that the "models" pictured are not really models. They are, in fact, actual employees of that very department store! Yes, they had stylists and make-up artists and are looking their best, but they are REAL people. Not these overly photo shopped (and who knows what else!) "ideals" that we see plastered everywhere else. I believe there were still actual models in part of the ad as well, but even so, this is a very positive and realistic step forward. I often get so fueled by my anger over what torment this age of "perfection" has caused me personally that I see possible change as all or nothing. I often feel hopeless,helpless, and doomed to a life where I will never be comfortable in my own skin. I only see the negative. What Ulrike's contribution helped me to realize is that instead of focusing on all the negativity that I can't change, maybe I should pay more attention to the positive aspects that I can share with you and put into play in my own life. The old adage "Rome wasn't built in a day..." has stuck around for a reason, and while you and I can't change society, we CAN change (with patience and practice) how we let it affect us. And just think of what can be put in motion when just a small group of real people learn to defy the odds and truly embrace the REAL, BEAUTIFUL people that we are. 

It's not going to be easy for me. Not at all. But I look at how a few emails and blog posts have mutually inspired two women in a matter of weeks, and I feel hope. I hope I can hold onto that more and more in the coming days, and I hope you can too. Take a deep breath, and savor that beautiful fresh air it brings....

MAILE

"Her green plastic watering can
for her fake Chinese rubber plant
in the fake plastic earth....
that she bought from a rubber man
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself.
It wears her out. It wears her out."

- Fake Plastic Trees
by Radiohead

To me, truly good conversation is one of the most beautiful things we can experience with another human being. There's a reason we call it the art of conversation. This phrase often brings to mind an elegant little table by a sunlit window of a Parisian cafe', late in the afternoon, sipping espresso with a companion, discussing our latest thought provoking read, why our favorite films are such, or that brilliant guitarist that plays on the corner every Saturday night. Or perhaps sitting by the lake after a leisurely walk along the water, sharing deep rooted beliefs, fears, hopes, dreams, along with mindless chatter of new crushes and career frustrations, before admiring the breathtaking view. Yes, I may be pushing it a little, but a good discussion does exalt the mind and spirit --pleasing the senses on many levels. The perfect marriage of language and thought. Even though many of ours have taken place on noisy subway cars, through a series of emails, or via a garbled phone call courtesy of Skype -- this is how I feel about every conversation with Maile. That's not to say that every discussion offers such profound emotional intensity--but they are always enjoyable, always enlightening, and frequently offering some sort of wonderful and unexpected revelation for one, or both of us. Conversation at its finest.

It seems like our chats have been this way from the start, but in hindsight, I see a process or maybe more like a journey --not unlike Maile's continued journey to self-acceptance and hopefully (eventually) self love. Although I know she would have been flattered by the invitation, Maile never would have agreed to be a part of this blog a few years ago...at least, not unless she was made anonymous. I am truly honored that my little blog could be a stepping stone on her journey, and am delighted that she actually gave me her blessing to post her photo. She willingly let me snap away as we engaged in some extreme silliness during her most recent visit to NYC -- as you will soon read, yet another important stepping stone.

When I first broached the subject of the blog --yes, during one of our artful "A train" discussions-- Maile said yes, but nearly recanted almost immediately, with something to the effect of a doubtful, "I'll ramble. I'll be all over the place. I'll probably contradict myself." I told her that that was exactly why I asked her. That's honesty, and honesty is beautiful. It's a part of her journey,and journeys are often fraught with indecision, contradiction, and doubt. But it is through all that confusion that we learn to experience the fullness, growth, and ultimate joy of life in a much more fulfilling way. A way that allows us to discover and recognize the beauty that exists all around us...even in us. Beauty that is certainly in you, Maile.


What is beauty?

When I was young, I think I did what a lot of kids do -- compare myself to images on the tv and in magazines. In Hawaii, where I grew up, Asian girls proceeded to make themselves close to the perceived image of beauty--by perming and coloring our very straight hair and having surgery or sticking glue on our eyes to make them have a "double fold". All that aside, I knew I wasn't pretty based on any cultural standard of beauty. I wasn't thin like other Asian girls and didn't have a small oval face, rosebud lips, etc. I thought being beautiful was the key to happiness. When I studied fashion design in college, I learned that "Beauty" is all about proportion, symmetry, and flawlessness. (and that fashion is a business that tries to generate insecurity) But in college I also took art classes, and it was my salvation because drawing people was all about capturing individuality and not some idealized Greek proportion.

Now that I'm older, I realized I should have appreciated my youth and not been so obsessed with my appearance--which wasn't so bad. I didn't want to go to the beach in Hawaii (!) 'cause I felt too fat to be seen in a swimsuit...how stupid is that? (That's not to say that it's easy to withstand the criticism that comes with bearing the bulges...)

I think beauty is not just visual. What gives you joy is beautiful. Your cat, a great meal, a work of art, a piece of music, whatever.....



What is your most beautiful attribute and why? (This can be physical or otherwise...depending on how you read the question!)


Well. this might sound a bit sappy, but I think everybody's most beautiful attribute is the ability to make another person feel loved. People all need a little compassion, attention, and love. I'm not saying I'm good at doling out the TLC, but I'm working on being more attentive to my friends and relatives, and maybe giving a little joy with my art.....



Name one body image hang-up that you have overcome or are working on overcoming. How did you do it , or what are you doing to change how you feel about it?


I think I've gotten over a lot of things, although I think the critic in me will always be there. Someone once told me, "Your face is your gift to the world -- you should be more generous."

But now I've got no time to be obsessed with beauty. Forget being beautiful, it's more about what I want to do with my life and doing something meaningful. I try to say, "This is it! Try to be happy and healthy." A happy face is a beautiful face. I didn't let anyone take pictures of me in my 20's because I figured I was so unattractive. Now there's very little visual record of having existed. These days I let friends take photos, although I'm still wary of posting them online.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be ?


I think the whole obsession with flawlessness has gotten way out of control. People are more and more plastic. And it's getting to children (as you previously mentioned). At least when I was young there were only magazines and tv. Now with the internet, millions of people scrutinize every bump, bulge, and wrinkle on a movie star's body (and what they are wearing). It's frightening. Film stars used to be older and balder and have larger noses. But now it's Nicole Kidman wearing a prosthetic nose....or maybe George Clooney can gain a few pounds. One good thing is that there's more ethnic diversity, but all the Asian actresses are flawlessly beautiful as well. I'm hoping the recession will make botox and plastic surgery less appealing....


It's great that you're having this discussion, Sara, even though I found this very difficult to do. It goes without saying --you're beautiful!