YES!

Anyone who watches any sort of national news program in the US has- I'm sure- already seen or heard excerpts from this anchor woman's four minute response to an email she received stating in a nutshell that she is a bad role model because of her appearance. Even with our presidential debates in full swing, this story is still all over the internet and eliciting some very strong opinions on both sides of the issue. Despite my former longtime battle with the scale, my reason for sharing this video has less to do with the particulars of the situation and more to do with Jennifer's extremely powerful and equally eloquent message to both bullies and those who are affected by them. I cannot stress enough how VITAL this message is in today's society and hope to broaden and increase my personal activism on such topics with Ms. Livingston as a true inspiration. And a big thank you to her (and her husband and colleagues!) for providing me with an AWESOME reminder.

Real Beauty "Evolution" Response....

After my last post I was bothered by the fact that I was yet again, posting something that was really only relevant to females. I'm a woman, I write what I know as they say, and as indicated by more recent posts, I don't currently have the time and emotional wherewithal  necessary to cover all that I still eventually hope to when it comes to true beauty, ridiculous societal ideals, and how we so often (myself included) buy into the latter due to poor self-image. But a lot of my lengthier posts, despite speaking from a woman's point of view, were (I believe) relevant to men as well, with something positive that could be taken away by the reader regardless of gender. That said, making my last post female specific was nagging at me for some reason, and it caused me to recall a video I came across several months ago. I was - you guessed it - quite busy at the time, so I shared it with my boyfriend, bookmarked it, and vowed to post it as soon as possible. I want to say that was March...it's now September. 

Many of you are familiar with the brilliant "Evolution" commercial made famous by the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. I even shared it on this blog a while back. This is a personal response from a young man who chose the very same topic for his thesis, only this time he focused on how much of that pressure to be perfect is put on men, and how often society on the whole, sweeps it under the rug and pretends like it doesn't exist. His explanation at the top of video is far better than anything I could offer, so I'll let it speak for itself.


For the record, I do sincerely hope to get back to including as many different voices into this blog as I can. I realize now how "spoiled" I was with my access to outspoken, diverse, truly beautiful individuals while living in NYC. They live here too (!), don't get me wrong - I know because I'm fortunate enough to know a few of them already - but doing an interview is a whole other ball game, mainly because there's no subway to hop on at all hours of the day and night! At any rate, I hope to have that opportunity sooner rather than later, and I can't wait to share those voices with you when I do. In the meantime, if you have anything to share, please don't be shy in shooting me an email and expressing yourself. I still have a few emails starred in my inbox from those of you who were so kind and generous enough to share your thoughts and future blog contributions with me. I haven't forgotten about you, and I will post them for sure. In the meantime, please take a few minutes to watch the video below. This is not an easy thing to talk about, especially among men, so I applaud not only the young man who was courageous enough to bring this to the forefront through his thesis, but also those who are not ashamed to watch, understand, and learn to love themselves as they are.

Newsworthy Part One....

I'm sure most of you have read about or seen television reports regarding these notable body image themed headlines by now, but just in case you haven't, I really, REALLY think they both have a lot to say. The first is regarding a young ballet dancer from Maine who managed to get Seventeen magazine to agree to keep from altering body shapes when using Photoshop via an online petition through Change.org. What I found most interesting is that I was sent two different articles about this triumph, and while both positive, one had a much more idealistic view of the "body peace treaty", and the other was anything but shy about continuing to put Seventeen and other similar magazines in the hot seat for failing to admit that they have, in fact, manipulated many images that have contributed to countless young women's obsessions with perfection, and by simply acknowledging that this "Photoshop Lite" approach, while very significant, is also quite small when looking honestly at how much needs to change about our culture's views on appearance and beauty. I've chosen to post a link to latter of the two articles because...well, I'm as willful as they come and I applaud these girls and women who refuse to stop until we all find a way to be at peace with our bodies. "Thank you" seems like an understatement.



http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/2012/0709/Seventeen-magazine-promises-to-stop-manipulating-photos-of-models


P.S. A very special thank you to Maile for passing these along to me and continuing to keep me hopeful and inspired. Stay tuned for Part Two....

Reflection....

*please visit thepoppytree shop on Etsy for the original image and artist info

I found this image last week during a late night perusal of Etsy. I was instantly captivated. Yes, it's a wonderful visual representation of the immense beauty that lies beneath the superficial exterior, but it also got me thinking about what we see when we look in the mirror versus the actual image reflecting back at us. We've all heard over and over again that we always see ourselves much more critically than anyone else does, and anyone who has battled an eating disorder or severe body image issues certainly knows just how extreme our distorted self-images can become, but working in the retail industry rooted in fashion (and thus appearance) for the past year has made me aware of just how distorted the average woman's view of herself has become. I can't tell you how many times a week I hear (in my opinion) completely unfounded complaints from customers and co-workers about how how fat or ugly or old or not good enough (etc.) they are. It's really quite shocking how much more people seem to give voice to their negative self-image in a smaller city, as compared to what was discussed among women I worked and socialized with in New York. To me this is a testament to how very out of control our society's obsession with perfection has become - specifically for women - and how detrimental it is to the essence of who we truly are. I know firsthand, as I have been far from immune to this overflow of negativity. But I also know that I do NOT want to live my life a prisoner to that poisonous thinking for one more second.


It's still difficult to focus when I write on my laptop due to my ongoing post-concussion syndrome, but as I'm finally in OT treatment for it, I hope to continue to post positive messages more and more often as means to combat what is clearly still a vicious epidemic in our culture. I don't know if it will make a difference, but I'm not giving up. There are far too many beautiful, worthwhile people who deserve to feel that way to give up now.

Fresh Air....

It's impossible for me to hide my excitement about this post ; not because of anything I have to say, but because of what I feel it represents. First off, I'm going to break one of my personal blogging "rules" and give thanks where thanks is due. I'm obviously willing to write about a plethora of personal feelings, opinions, and such, but I do my best to keep the details of my life to myself and those who actually happen to be a part of my personal life. That said, this post would not be possible if it weren't for the beauty of a wonderful woman I had the good fortune to "meet" a few weeks ago. And that wouldn't have been possible if my awesome boyfriend hadn't felt compelled to share my blog with some friends of his. He knows who he is and knows how grateful I am, but nonetheless, I feel it's an important factor of my excitement in sharing this post with you.

After he posted a link on a social media site, I was completely stunned and humbled to receive a remarkably thoughtful and heartfelt email from his lovely friend, Ulrike. She and I have both heard a lot about each other, but as Ulrike lives in Germany, we haven't had the opportunity to meet. You can imagine my astonishment that not only did someone I have never met (from overseas, no less) want to follow and support my little blog, but has since been so touched by it that she has already sent me some fantastic contributions that I can't wait to share with you. This is wonderful in and of itself, but to me, this is EXACTLY what I hoped to accomplish when I initially started this project several years ago. I wanted to get people talking. I wanted to reach people. And to be able to inspire even one person through my writing is more than I could ask for. I'll sound like a humbled and grateful broken record soon, but even that seems an understatement when I think of what this means to me.

With all that in mind, I'm super excited to share this first contribution from Ulrike. The image above was part of an ad from her local family department store. But what makes this ad so unique is that the "models" pictured are not really models. They are, in fact, actual employees of that very department store! Yes, they had stylists and make-up artists and are looking their best, but they are REAL people. Not these overly photo shopped (and who knows what else!) "ideals" that we see plastered everywhere else. I believe there were still actual models in part of the ad as well, but even so, this is a very positive and realistic step forward. I often get so fueled by my anger over what torment this age of "perfection" has caused me personally that I see possible change as all or nothing. I often feel hopeless,helpless, and doomed to a life where I will never be comfortable in my own skin. I only see the negative. What Ulrike's contribution helped me to realize is that instead of focusing on all the negativity that I can't change, maybe I should pay more attention to the positive aspects that I can share with you and put into play in my own life. The old adage "Rome wasn't built in a day..." has stuck around for a reason, and while you and I can't change society, we CAN change (with patience and practice) how we let it affect us. And just think of what can be put in motion when just a small group of real people learn to defy the odds and truly embrace the REAL, BEAUTIFUL people that we are. 

It's not going to be easy for me. Not at all. But I look at how a few emails and blog posts have mutually inspired two women in a matter of weeks, and I feel hope. I hope I can hold onto that more and more in the coming days, and I hope you can too. Take a deep breath, and savor that beautiful fresh air it brings....

Healing....

                                                


It certainly sounds like something for which we should feel incredible gratitude and pride. When I think of the healing I have done in the last year alone, embarrassment and shame definitely don't make the list of emotions I feel, and I'd venture to guess I'm not alone in that, if I were to ask those of you who have come through physical and emotional battles of your own. Why is it then, that we're so often embarrassed - even ashamed - of our scars? Here I am with my defiant stance against this age of physical "perfection" that we are perpetually force fed, vowing to love and accept myself the way I AM, and yet those closest to me know that my scars are very high on the list of body image hang ups I have never truly accepted. I can be as proud as a warrior fresh from battle, speaking of my G-tube scar and it's constant reminder of how I conquered my Anorexia -but ask me to show that scar to you, and the term "humiliation" would be an understatement for my shift in emotions. Sure, I've come to feel "ok" with it in intimate situations where there is love and trust, but I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel I was hiding some horrid disfigurement on a daily basis, when I think of that  scar and other imperfections I have acquired from "healing" over the years. A few months ago,someone incredibly special to me attempted to publish these quotes as a comment to one of my posts , but due to an internet glitch that evening, they were lost in cyberspace. I'd like to think I was meant to receive them personally, so that I could not only use them for my own continued healing, but so I could also have the opportunity to pass them along to you. 


I don't know how long it will take, and quite honestly, I don't know exactly how - period - but I am more determined than ever to be as proud of my scars as young Harry is of his in the photo above. It's my sincere hope that you can all feel that way too, and I think reading the beautiful quotations below is an excellent place to start.








"God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars. "
Elbert Hubbard

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. "
Garrison Keillor

"Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is
a perfect map of the London Underground."
 Albus Dumbledore

...and perhaps the best for last:

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive
characters are seared with scars."
Khalil Gibran

An Oldie But Goodie....

No matter how many times you've seen this commercial over the past few years, I sincerely recommend watching it one more time. Or twenty more times. Whatever it takes to help you realize your "Real Beauty", as the Dove brand calls it. I believe it may be even more vital to how we view ourselves now- in 2012- than it was when it first aired. I know it is for me....

Dancin' In Your Drawers : A Teaser... until next time.

I assure you that in the midst of the exciting hustle and bustle of all that goes into rebuilding my life, I am hard at work on putting together some more undie dancing posts....ones that actually involve all the awesome friends who took the time out of their own crazy schedules to share what letting their inhibitions go and feeling the music means to them personally! But in the meantime, I found this little article a while back while doing some "research" on this very topic and thought sharing it might be a fun way to offer a song for cutting loose on your own. It just so happens that the lead singer of a song that was a staple of my underwear dancing repertoire earlier this summer also likes to dance privately in less than normal clothing to boost her confidence when she needs it most. Here's a link to the article and here is a great song for going bananas in your skivvies. It may be a bit overplayed by now thanks to its radio friendliness, but don't let that stop you from letting the music set you free, if only for a few minutes. Until next time.....


Florence Welsh dances in underwear before shows

Sparks of Beauty gets personal.....a series of sharing the "little things" I find to be extraordinary.

"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now, and do it."  - William Durant

If only my enthusiasm for sharing thoughts on self-worth and beauty or the wonderful stories and songs many friends have relayed for part of my little underwear dancing project matched the time I actually had to sit down and write something worth reading. Alas, that is unfortunately not the case. I have a pretty excellent excuse, as I’m finally working again ,which means my physical health has grown by leaps and bounds – hooray! – but I do find myself wishing there were a few more hours in the day for the sole purpose of writing, particularly writing for this blog on a regular basis. Though averaging a mere post or two a month, sharing my thoughts via Democracy of Beauty, has in many way been the saving grace of my self worth since saying goodbye to New York. I’ve stated numerous times that this blog helps me every bit as much as anyone reading it, and I whole heartedly stand by that affirmation. That is exactly what is compelling me to write this evening despite my body casting a vote for sitting around and doing absolutely nothing. Though tempted to take a stab at writing an accompaniment to some of those yet to be shared dancin’ in your drawers tales sent my way, something inside is definitively pulling me to share something a bit more personal. I only hope it’s not selfish to admit that writing it is as much for my benefit as yours.

As I’m continuing to adjust to my new hometown and everything that entails, it’s easy to dismiss just how much change I’ve gone through over the past 7 months or so and wind up being hard on myself when I struggle with my self worth. I’ve always been one of those deep feeling gals who truly takes most everything to heart, and so – at the risk of sounding like a broken record – I turn anything and everything not up to par inward and use it to back up every fault my inner critic says I possess. Some of these things are related to who I am as a person, but  lately I’ve become more and more aware of just how often they seem to regard my physical appearance. I feel a bit like a hypocrite saying that, given what I "preach" about real beauty and how vital it is to our happiness as human beings that we recognize and value it, but I can assure you with everything in me that all that I’ve written is what I truly believe deep inside. It’s incredibly frustrating to know what is true and still struggle to recognize it in yourself. That has been my personal struggle as of late,and I would easily take a wild guess that I’m far from alone in it. I know what I’ve been through and I know why I have issues with myself in the manner I do, but that does nothing to lessen the burden.  Meeting new people who eventually learn that I had lived in New York for many years usually elicits admiration and even awe from those who have never ventured to such a place all by themselves, often stating how "brave" or "strong" I must be. For me the brave and strong part was always that I went there to conquer my anorexia and find myself.... and I succeeded, but as unbelievably difficult as that was, I would say that what I have been through this year is quite possibly the most difficulty I have ever faced. Not just what I lost, gave up and fought for with regard to getting healthy and  learning to live my life again, but working every step of the way to truly value myself in every sense of the word. Anyone who dares to enter the battle of true self-acceptance is a warrior in my eyes,and that’s a battle I am determined to win once and for all.

Sure, we’re all only human and we will always have doubts and fears that creep up on us and let that negative self-talk loose, but I’m talking about not letting it rule me and ruin all the fantastic things I’m fortunate enough to have in my life. I’m certainly no therapist and to pretend that I know a way to guarantee self-worth would be ridiculous. But what my experience over the past year and a half or so – particularly the past seven months – has been able to reveal to me is how very much there is to appreciate about myself, my body, and my life. In my grandest hopes and dreams, I never would have imagined myself being where I am now. I am getting physically healthier every day, and constantly learning new ways to continue to keep my body strong. I’m able to work for the first time in over a year. And, most importantly, I think more than ever before, I am truly myself, and those near and far who I am lucky enough to have in my life, accept and love that real me more than anyone ever has. This “should” be enough, or at least that’s what I tell myself when I’m feeling particularly critical. But old habits, coping skills, and the constant barrage of the superficial, appearance obsessed culture we live in are holding on for dear life. I may be strong enough to toss all that aside with a mere finger when I look at someone else, but when I look at myself I often feel paralyzed to anything but accepting those ugly lies. As much as I love so many things about New York City, it and some of the people that I unfortunately chose to have in my life at the time, did a real number on the fight in me when it comes to superficial qualities. It would have been hard enough after dealing with the health issues I faced and what they did to my body, but having that constant outward value shoved in my face nearly every time I stepped outside my apartment has made it even more so. Though those negative individuals have been out of my life for many months, what they drummed into my subconscious lingers and gives a near continuous shot of power to every self- doubt I already possessed deep inside. For once it’s not anyone around me that doesn’t think I’m good enough; it’s me. Sure, there are outside factors.The simplest of these is that I’m now living in a college town which means a lot of much younger women whose bodies have yet to go through even a fraction of the wear and tear that I have been through. I live in an apartment complex with several of them and am now working with a few as well.  It hasn’t been easy to conquer the thoughts that go through my mind. But when I take a good look at what I have in my life and realize that I alone,really am the only one in my life who’s thinking such things, I know that no matter how difficult it may seem, I’m more than capable if I set my mind to it. And I honestly believe that if you surround yourself with the same attitude, you will be more than capable too, no matter how daunting it seems at its worst.

It’s funny how any time I seem to have some sort of breakthrough regarding my self-worth, life just loves to test me. Just last week I had a pretty “interesting” experience that really forced me to take a look at what I value and what’s really important to me at the end of the day. Over the past two months or so I’ve begun to workout again. At first it was just dvds in my apartment, but I have since graduated to going to the great little gym for the tenants of my complex just across the parking lot. I’m nowhere near the level of fitness I hope to be, but at this point in my life, I’m more than happy to be able to do what I’m able to do now. The first couple times I had gone I was either alone or sharing the space with a couple guys that were as much in their own little workout zone as I like to be, so I felt about as comfortable as could be expected. But last week, the day after I’d done some very serious thinking about how much I needed to do everything I could to stop judging myself so harshly and was feeling quite positive,  a young woman is in the gym as I approach. I see through the window that she is very fit and probably several years younger than me, but whatever... I could suck it up and focus on myself and my music. No problem. At least that’s what I thought until I entered the gym and saw that not only was this woman watching one of those top model tv shows, she also had the volume turned up to what I would estimate was as loud as it could possibly go. So that’s a super fit young girl running effortlessly on the treadmill next to me, 8 runway models from that ever triggering city of New York coming at me at full volume, and I’m not done yet. The small building that houses our one room gym leads directly out to the complex’s inground pool. There are three sizable windows that allow for gazing out as much as looking in, though I can’t imagine why anyone lounging by the pool on a beautiful day would want to look at some sweaty person on a treadmill. Yet sure enough, there were about five or so young women lounging by the pool with their tanned and toned bikini bodies on full display, and it only took a few minutes of me being on the elliptical machine for them to notice me. Who knows why so many young adults still seem to get a rush out of whispering about others in plain view in the not so subtle way that eerily reminds me of junior high, but it often seems  they do. For all I know they could have been saying something positive about me, but being in the vulnerable position of wearing form fitting workout attire next to Miss Fitness USA over there with ears and eyes being overwhelmed with models going on about how stressful it is to be so beautiful, and having a gaggle of college girls in bikinis looking at me, it didn’t matter what they were saying – I ached to find a dark hole to crawl in and hide. But that’s not what I did. Instead I took a few slow, deep breaths and a mental step back to assess the situation calmly and rationally. I really wasn’t sure whether I would be able to withstand all these triggers at once or not, but I knew if I walked away it was going to be because that was the healthiest thing for me to do. I thought for a few minutes about why it was important to me to exercise, why I had chosen this time of day, and how I would benefit from it. I thought about indescribably grateful I am for the amazing fact that my body is actually capable of working out less than a year after not knowing whether I’d ever be healthy and strong. I thought about how many important changes I’ve made in my day to day lifestyle for the specific purpose of helping my body to continue to heal and strenghten inside and out, and how proud I am of that. And lastly I thought about all the important people in my life. Though I write quite openly and honestly about my struggles with body image and self-acceptance, I don’t like to write about those close to me unless it is vital to the post. In this age of our every thought being shared in a split second, I’ve gained a great appreciation for privacy. That said, I will share that I have never felt more accepted and “good enough” just as I am than when I am talking with or spending time with those that are an integral part of my life. I thought about how they would see me if they happened to pass by the gym window, and realized that they would see me, Sara, and be so, so happy and grateful that I was taking care of myself and continuing to grow in health and strength. I knew what I had to do. I cranked up my iTunes’ volume as loud as it would go, focused on the blue sky barely visible through the top portion of that window and did my thing. I’ll say again that it wasn’t easy, but the more I tuned out all the triggers, the more into the music and my workout I became. With about five minutes left in my workout the model watcher left and I promptly jumped down from my elliptical perch and turned that ridiculous show off. Before I resumed I took a minute to acknowledge how wonderful it felt, even through the difficulty, to know that I was not being ruled by my negative self-image. I was appreciating my body, myself, my life. What better time to also acknowledge that all this appreciation was taking place on a beautiful sun filled, summer day in my equally beautiful new home state. I felt some theme music was appropriate and so I finished my run to this awesome little tune. The “workout complete - - great job!” message on that elliptical machine’s tiny screen has never felt better.

Sparks Of Beauty : a reminder...a series of sharing the "little things" I find to be extraordinary.

       "Some beautiful things are more impressive when left 
         imperfect than when too highly finished." 
                                         - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Every now and then I need a reminder. That’s one of the things I enjoy most about blogging; each time I remind the anonymous reader about the beauty that is available to all of us – and in all of us – I also remind myself. Most of the time this allows my self confidence and security to continue to develop, strengthen and even flourish…but not always. Sometimes I have a bad day, a bad week, a not so hot month. Life can be difficult, and as I’ve pointed out many times over the past few months, it’s really hard to think “Lemonade!” when a truckload of lemons are suddenly dumped on your head. For me, I’ve come to realize that my inner critic - or inner saboteur depending on how you look at it - relishes those times when I’m metaphorically swimming in lemons. Vulnerability sets in and that inner saboteur (aka the part of my mind that seems to specialize in negative thinking) starts talking. I turn difficulties inward and wonder if the faults I see are to blame. That inner monologue gets louder and harder to ignore. Suddenly I’m not good enough in any way. Not talented enough, not capable enough, not intelligent enough, not independent enough – you get the picture. And no matter how unrelated to my physicality those difficulties may be, having battled anorexia and a poor body image for so long makes it very easy for me to let every negative thought lead me back to a litany of flaws in my appearance. Anyone who has battled such issues during their lifetime would I’m sure, attest to the power such thoughts can have if you let them, and though I’m confident in my ability to truly take care of my body and not let that negativity dictate my behavior in nourishing it, I’m not nearly as secure when it comes to accepting myself in the face of that negativity.  It’s easy to preach self-acceptance and self- confidence when everything’s coming up roses, but when there seems to be a black cloud over my head – or at least over my mirror - it often feels next to impossible to practice what I preach when it comes to believing it about myself.

                                                                                                                                                                 
Enter my reminder. This one came to me via the AOL news page last weekend, wedged somewhere between the latest scandal involving those crazy Jersey Shore kids and a link to some recent photos of popular starlets walking the red carpet. Knowing that anyone and everyone can call themselves a blogger, I don’t feel wrong in saying that I did not have the highest hopes for the article I was about to read. My sensitivity to, and passion for the topic of body image usually set off a mental alarm, warning me that what I’m about to read, hear, see, may not be something that leads to positive body image thoughts, and in fact might trigger the opposite. Nonetheless, I was under the weather, stuck in my apartment for the weekend, dealing with some stressful situations, and ultimately hating my body, so I figured it couldn't hurt. One sentence in and I knew that I had made the right decision.

To say anything else would, I feel, take away from the essay itself. Quite frankly, I could have easily just posted a link to the article, as it needs no introduction in my opinion. But in keeping with the spirit of self acceptance and self confidence, I decided to force myself to sit down and write a few paragraphs, and I once again got a twofer in the realm of important reminders. What I’m offering to the reader, I’m also offering to myself, and it helps me to see that I am much less of all those negative things I mentioned, especially when I can inspire someone else to feel the same about themselves. I can’t help but feel that the author of this beautifully written piece was rewarded with much of the same. I hope that you’ll take a minute to read Ms. Smith’s essay, so you can feel that wonderful reward of self worth too. You deserve it.

Agi Smith : Every Woman's Body Has a Story and Here Is Mine...

KATIE

"Beauty...when you look into a woman's eyes and see what is in her soul."
-Nate Dircks

The moment I decided to give this blog a try,there was no question about who I would feature in my first post. It was actually Katie who inspired the idea for this site in the first place. I was looking through some photos I had taken over the summer,when I came across one of Katie waiting for some friends outside a restaurant. She was deep in thought and had no idea that I was snapping away. As I looked at this photo, I studied her expression, her eyes, wondered what she was thinking,and found myself moved by her beauty. Katie happens to be one of my dearest friends,and it's because of this that I'm aware of her daily struggles with body image and overall appearance. Looking at her photo,I couldn't help but wish that she could see what I was seeing.Why is this? Why are truly beautiful people believing they are ugly and worthless? What if I could open up a discussion about this very topic? Would it change anything? I thought it was worth a try,and I knew Katie would be game. There are very few people more honest and willing to speak their mind....but this proved to be a bigger challenge than either of us expected.

Below are four very loaded questions regarding beauty,each followed by Katie's response. There are no right or wrong answers. I simply asked that she be honest. It's not an easy task to expose one's insecurities and vulnerabilities,but she did it. And for the record, I'm proud of her.


What is beauty?


Beauty is...is...is....I can't even answer this question. I feel like a jerk because when I hear the word 'beautiful', an image of some thin, amazingly appealing, no flab, perfect person comes to my mind. Let's say, for instance, Keira Knightley or Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson....or someone who is exotic, or has sharp features and 'perfect' everything. Now I feel like a fraud or shallow because I know that is not the real meaning of beauty,especially when I think of some of the friends in my life or when looking at my niece. My friends are very real women,full of confidence,zest,and life. They walk tall in their ownership of everything they are. I think to myself, "Why is it that they seem so happy and confident?" . They are comfortable and embrace who they are, flaws (if you can even call them that) and all!
Beauty is something that seems so visual and so "looks" driven,but if you take the time to think about it, it's more about your own acceptance of who you are that creates an energy inside you that shows on the outside. I guess maybe beauty does have more to do with who you are than what you look like. I think it's actually more like lust when it's only a physical thing. An object of desire that holds your physical attention...but shouldn't beauty have more to do with the soul than the eye?




What is your most beautiful attribute and why? (this can be physically speaking or otherwise...it depends on how you read it!)



Physically speaking, I like my eyes. I feel the eyes reflect a person's inner beauty. I have an ocean of kindness inside me, a desire to help others at any cost. I would sacrifice and do almost anything for someone who needed it. This is very true for my family and friends,but I also have the desire to help those I don't even know. If I could do anything I wanted in the world, it would be to go around and help people--cook for them,read to them, keep them company, and give them hugs, and most importantly, love. I would show them that they do have things to be thankful for,and would be a blessing to them and enrich their lives.



Name one body image hang-up that you've overcome or are working on overcoming. Tell us how you did it or what you're doing to change how you feel about it.


To be totally honest, right now, I HATE my body. I think my hips are too big and that my booty is too. Yeah,that can be an okay thing, but not when you grew up in a very small town in middle America,where every girl was a thin, no curves kind of person. I don't feel that I have any flare to add to these curves,and I can never find jeans that fit. It makes me feel very upset a lot of the time. It's often a battle leaving my house because I just don't feel okay in my body. I know that people assume that it wouldn't be a problem if I didn't eat the way I do, but I have gone to great lengths, some extreme and even unhealthy, to change my body, and still had no drastic change in my appearance.

I have recently read some books on how to have a better body image and how to love my body regardless of its flaws. It's a challenge at best, and I have some days that are better than others. The book that has helped me the most so far is "The Four Day Win" by Martha Beck. She talks about joining a team with your body. If you constantly tell yourself that you look fat and you'll never look any better, it creates more and more feelings of sadness and hate. This can lead us to negative behaviors with food because we feel bad and do not respect our bodies enough to feed them the right things on a consistent basis. If we practice,and I repeat PRACTICE, saying positive things about our bodies, it creates a new level of respect. For example, " I love my legs because I can run 3 miles in thirty minutes,and without them I would not be able to do this. I love and appreciate my body because it holds my inner self...me."

I have to fake truly believing this right now, but it has been helping. It also helps to talk to others. It's surprising that people I thought had no issues, also have something they don't like. Everyone has something they wish they could change. Being kind to yourself is key. I am working on being patient and understanding with how my body works instead of giving up when I don't see any results. Also,don't deny yourself enjoyment because of a negative body image. Sometimes I won't want to go to a party because I feel I look bad, but if I force myself to go anyway, I end up having a great time with my friends and ultimately feel better.




If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society,what would it be?



I will answer with a quote from " The Witch of Portobello" by Paulo Coelho....

" We have survived for all these millenia because we have been able to eat. And now that seems to have become a curse. Why/what is it that makes us, at forty, want to have the same body we had when we were young? Is it possible to stop
time? Of course not! And why should we be thin? We don't need to be thin. We buy books, go to gyms, expend a lot of brainpower on trying to hold back time, when we should be celebrating the miracle of being here in this world. Instead of thinking how to live better,we're obsessed with weight. Forget about all that!
.....Eat in moderation, but take pleasure in eating. It isn't what enters a persons mouth that is evil,but what leaves it. Whose idea was it that we had to be thin? I'll tell you-vampires of the soul, those who are so afraid of the future that they think it's possible to stop the wheel of time. Use the energy you put into dieting to nourish yourself with spiritual bread.......Instead of artificially burning those calories, try to transform that energy into what's required to fight for your
dreams."

I think that our society puts entirely too much focus on the outside appearance of things. Look this way, buy this car, be this person, and life will be better. I think if we really look at our inner selves, we will find the right things to fill us up and realize that we need not focus so much on what everyone looks like.