Newsworthy Part One....

I'm sure most of you have read about or seen television reports regarding these notable body image themed headlines by now, but just in case you haven't, I really, REALLY think they both have a lot to say. The first is regarding a young ballet dancer from Maine who managed to get Seventeen magazine to agree to keep from altering body shapes when using Photoshop via an online petition through Change.org. What I found most interesting is that I was sent two different articles about this triumph, and while both positive, one had a much more idealistic view of the "body peace treaty", and the other was anything but shy about continuing to put Seventeen and other similar magazines in the hot seat for failing to admit that they have, in fact, manipulated many images that have contributed to countless young women's obsessions with perfection, and by simply acknowledging that this "Photoshop Lite" approach, while very significant, is also quite small when looking honestly at how much needs to change about our culture's views on appearance and beauty. I've chosen to post a link to latter of the two articles because...well, I'm as willful as they come and I applaud these girls and women who refuse to stop until we all find a way to be at peace with our bodies. "Thank you" seems like an understatement.



http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/2012/0709/Seventeen-magazine-promises-to-stop-manipulating-photos-of-models


P.S. A very special thank you to Maile for passing these along to me and continuing to keep me hopeful and inspired. Stay tuned for Part Two....

Lynda's Dancin' In Your Drawers Recommendations....

As the big day for Lynda is only a few short days away, I figured I'd better hurry up and post the last of her favorite undie dancing songs before the festivities of "wedding weekend" begin. I've really enjoyed posting these fun,silly little tributes to one of the dearest friends I've ever had. Whether this music has suited your taste or not, I hope you can appreciate the beauty of Lynda's lighthearted openness in sharing songs that help her to feel happy and confident when she cuts loose and embraces herself inside and out....and I sincerely hope you'll log into your iTunes library and start your own playlist to help you do the same.


Lynda Recommends :

#8 Lionel Richie: "All Night Long"-  "Such a cheerful song! Also, it reminds me of the beach for some strange reason."

#9 Journey: " Any Way You Want It"- "I just love Journey!"

Lynda's Dancin' In Your Drawers Recommendations...

It's Friday! I'm sure some of you are working all weekend (like me), but in a few hours it will be Friday night to the rest of the world. As Lynda's list of favorite undie dancing tunes begins to wind down, here's a song appropriate for celebrating the weekend and getting rid of the negativity from the work week while you boogie-oogie-oogie in the privacy of your home.

Lynda recommends :

 #7 Taste of Honey: "Boogie Oogie Oogie"-  "Makes me wish I was at Studio 54 dancing around in Candies high heels and a Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress. Yay!"

Ode to Leeeeenda.....

So, nearly a year after attempting to launch my little dancing in your undies project, I'm finally posting some fantastic feedback I received from one of dearest friends, who also happens to be right up there with the most beautiful people I know. And when I say beautiful, I mean inside and out - REAL beauty. Though my timing might seem completely random, it's actually not. Lynda is getting married in just a couple weeks, and I, along with the other members of our affectionately coined "Clump", have the privilege of being part of the wedding. Unfortunately, due to a feisty flu bug and then a jam-packed work schedule, I was unable to make it to all of the pre-wedding festivities to celebrate the bride. But my friends, being as AWESOME as they are, of course made me feel like I was part of each celebration by sending texts and photos, emails and even phone calls. That said, I wanted to do a little something to celebrate Lynda in my own way, and since I never got around to posting the silly goodness of her contribution to "Project Undie Dance", I've decided there's no better time than the present. 

Over the next week I'll be posting one or two youtube videos of Lynda's favorite underwear dancing songs each day, and her reasons for adding them to her personal gettin'-her-groove-on repertoire. I think you'll definitely enjoy it, whether you know Lynda or not.....and maybe you'll even be inspired to shed your inhibitions and let the music move you too! 


It's funny- many years ago I began to call Lynda "Leeeeenda", with a long E sound. At the time I took French in school, so it wasn't until I was living in NYC that I learned that the word "linda" - pronounced the same way as my nickname for her, speaks of her beauty. A perfect fit if there ever was one. This is for you, Leeeeeenda. You have inspired me more than you know. And I can assure you that I will be dancing to at least one, if not more of your recommendations after posting.    ;)




LYNDA RECOMMENDS:


The Bee-gees: You Should Be Dancing- "Well, because I agree! And it is SO fun to make your voice sound like theirs."

The Right Place At The Right Time....

There's an incredibly special beauty that can only come from being in the right place at that precise moment inspiration strikes ; Inspiration that seems as if it's tailor made for no one else but you. This morning, my place was the internet, and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect inspiration. I never intended to be where I am, but I am so very glad I'm here...

Dancin' In Your Drawers : JANET

"Promise me you'll always remember : You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - (Christopher Robin to Pooh) A.A. Milne

I should have known better than to avow in my last post that I would publish all the underwear dancing feedback I've received within a week or two. Once again life had other plans which have mainly consisted of doing my best to take care of myself and rest every waking moment I’m not at work, due to a pesky little virus that decided to pay me a visit as of last weekend. I refuse to complain because this was absolutely nothing compared to anything I’ve experienced in the illness realm over the past few years, but nonetheless I wasn’t quite feeling up to thought provoking writing or the typing of it.  I’m still not feeling the greatest, but sometimes taking care of oneself means doing so emotionally. Feeling in need of some emotional TLC today, I’ve decided to blog. As I mentioned in my last entry, due to time constraints and still working on lining up a couple of interviews in the not so distant future (Yes, interviews! They’re coming, and I promise they will be worth the wait!) I’m going to make the focus of my next few posts, sharing the fun and inspiring thoughts some of my long time friends sent my way about their personal experiences dancing in their underwear. I’ve held on to these emailed thoughts and musings since they started trickling into my inbox early this summer. I hope that despite the lapse in time, they’ll still provide you with the uplifting and even heartwarming feelings they stirred up for me when I read them.

To kick things off, I’m starting with the beautiful reply I received from my dear friend, Janet. A few posts back I made mention that the people I am fortunate enough to have in my life right now really do accept me and love me just as I am in a way that I have never felt so strongly before, but what I didn’t add is that whether I always believed them or not, some of those very people have been accepting me "as is" for quite some time now. Janet is most definitely an excellent case in point. To write about the bumps in the road of life throughout our friendship would require a book, but I can assure you that I’m immensely grateful for every single page. Janet became my friend when I didn’t really have any concept of who or what I was outside of my eating disorder. I was at a new school, starting late in the year due to my first string of hospitalizations for my anorexia and that’s all anyone knew of me. I was the anorexic girl who everyone tried to be extra nice to because I was “fragile” and “sick”. With those labels as an introduction how would anyone possibly see me for me…. if there even was a me? I’m still not quite sure how, but Janet did. She became a key part of a group of the kindest, funniest, unique, and non-judgmental young ladies I have ever met who, unbeknownst to us, were solidifying what has grown into a lifelong bond of friendship. All because she and the other young ladies - more on them in future posts. stay tuned. - saw in me what I couldn’t, and they liked it a whole heck of a lot. We quickly coined ourselves “The Clump”, and the rest is history. To this day, some of my most sincere giggles come from reminiscing about the ridiculous things that would happen when we put our heads together. But as enjoyable as it would be to take a stroll down memory lane and recall the fun and happy times, I bring all this up because I don’t know if I have ever adequately expressed how much the true friendship, acceptance, and love of those young ladies did for me then and continues to do for me today. Truth be told, by our senior year of high school they were watching me die. They got rides in from another state more than once to see me emaciated and hooked up to machines, not knowing if that visit was going to be the last. And through it all, they saw me.  ME. The girl that’s still an enormous part of the woman I am today. I honestly don’t know how they did it, but I believe that the love and acceptance they showed me is the greatest gift that friendship has to offer.

I hope that sharing this doesn’t put a damper on the inspiring words Janet has to offer. My intention in sharing that glimpse into our early friendship was as far from that as it could be. Instead I hoped it would  add to the meaning behind what she wished to share, and that you would be better able to understand the sincerity, thoughtfulness, and beauty that I have been privileged enough to experience time and time again, simply because she is my friend.

I’d like to clarify that Janet’s sentiments - as will be the case with comments from any of the other women I will be posting in the coming weeks - are completely her own. I simply sent around an email letting them know about my undie dancing project idea and asking for some song recommendations and hopefully specific feedback.  I am truly honored to have received the awesome responses I did. So let's get to it. Here is what Janet had to say about the value of dancing in your drawers.

                                                                                                                                                          

" WHERE TO START?!?!?  OMG!!!  So to start off I will dance around (in my own house) in undies or fully clothed to just about anything! Currently, Rock of Ages OBC (original Broadway cast) and anything Glee soundtrack. Music in general helps me to feel better, no matter what is going on.  I of course LOVE LOVE LOVE Glee!!!  It makes me miss "The Clump" so much!  Glee in general makes me think of sleepovers in Christa's basement and carefree time.  Times before paying bills, before working everyday, and days of sharing my inner most thoughts with "the clump" who understood and each had a different perspective on those thoughts, days when I could see my friends everyday. In general music is what heals the soul.  I use it everyday with my students as well.  When things are stressful in the classroom we put on a dancing tune and take min or two and dance!  To quote Shrek the musical "Let your freak flag fly!" I love your blog; it is very enlightening and helpful.  Please keep writing.  Never forget that it’s the arts that help us to live!  Whether its painting, sketching, writing, cooking, dancing, singing, acting, or doing a silly craft it’s something to help you escape or cope with life!  These are the things that make us who we are!  

You think once you’re out of high school/ adolescence that all your immature fears go away, but they don't.  Your life changes and somehow to expect to "grow up" but parts of us never do.  Sometimes this is a good thing, like letting your inner child out.  But sometimes your inner adolescent escapes as well.  I get caught up in your old fears of beauty. What you should look like, how much you should weigh, and such. Only now it adds in all the beauty components with your adult responsibilities.  So not only must you be model looking, but also Wonder Woman at the same time with a career.  So how does one get over all of this?  Through escapes like music and dance.  Thank goodness for my home and window blinds!  When things feel completely overwhelming it's time to shake what your mamma gave ya!  So I LOVE LOVE LOVE the dancing undie project!"  

I wanted to post a song to pass along some dancing inspiration based on what each friend had to say, so in honor of my friendship with Janet, I’m taking it back old school. I fondly recall her love for TLC when we first met. So this is for you. Get your groove on, girlfriend! I assure you I will absolutely be doing the same as soon as I click “publish”.

Dancing takes a backseat....temporarily.

"Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it." - Ellen Glasgow

It has obviously been quite some time since I’ve posted, and to be perfectly honest, it’s also been quite some time since I’ve written much of anything. Shortly after my last entry in August I sat down on my living room floor, laptop on the stool in front of me, and pounded out a rough draft of what I had hoped would be an intro to some thoughts one of my longtime friends had shared with me on the topic of underwear dancing. I assumed I would revise and post it in a week or so, but as is so often the case with life, it had other plans for me. A lot of that involved working hard and continuing to plug away at this new life I’m building for myself, but some of it has admittedly been not wanting to write about such a fun, light topic when I’m still in the midst of working through a lot of things that aren’t all that enjoyable or carefree. Don’t get me wrong, life is treating me really well, and I want any of you taking the time to read this to know that I’m speaking the truth. Of course if you know me at all you know I’m as honest as they come, but looking back at a few (much) older posts, I’ve realized that when writing about my own life I had from time to time expressed what I so badly wanted to believe about myself, but rarely­- deep down - truly believed. This time I know how immensely fortunate I am for having the life that I do, especially thinking back to where I was this time just last year. That said, I’m going to speak frankly  and say that truly loving and accepting oneself is still damn difficult. I work a lot, I get physically tired and can’t always be as active as I’d like, so…. I feel bad about myself. I continue to process some more emotional difficulties stemming from all that’s happened in my life over the past year, I become mentally spent and so… I feel bad about myself. I’m sure you get the picture. When I get stuck in that self-deprecating rut, the last thing I feel like doing is jumping around to uplifting music in my underwear. I can't imagine that anyone would.

Yet in spite of this so-called rut, I still felt that itch to write- in particular to blog – yet I knew there was no way I could tackle a post about embracing myself in a happy-go-lucky way feeling as I did. Time and again I thought about those very friends whose thoughts I was wanting to share, and how extremely confounding it is that even with all their unconditional love, acceptance, and support of me – many of them offering all of that to me for over half of my life – my own self –loathing could  and would still creep in and reign supreme. It may sound a bit melodramatic to those who haven’t experienced it for themselves, but it can be a very painful and helpless feeling. After becoming completely overwhelmed one evening last week, I contacted a friend of mine – one of the only true friends I’ve made so far in my new hometown – merely hoping for a kind heart and an open ear to allow me to vent. Well, I got that for sure….but I also got immeasurably more in the form of true inspiration. She has been “there”  - though everyone’s “there” is unique to their life experience, we can definitely relate– and she could state with unflinching honesty and confidence that for some people, learning to love themselves is the most difficult thing they’ll ever face, but she that she could promise me that if I truly learned to do so, it would be more than worth it. I wish I could remember the exact words she used because it felt like someone hit me over the head and woke me up in the most wonderful way possible. I also wish I could sit here and write that I have since done a complete 180 with regard to my self-esteem… but unfortunately, I can’t. Not yet. I’ve expressed many times that to me, what’s true is beautiful, and so I feel it my duty to pass that on to my readers (aka my friends and family) by always being truthful when I write. No, I didn’t suddenly learn to love myself because of an exceptionally inspiring conversation with a very special young lady….but….for the first time in weeks… I stripped down to my undies and I danced. And danced. And danced. And it felt really, really good.

It’s in that spirit that I plan on posting the random thoughts and musings about dancing in one’s underwear that some of my favorite friends were kind enough to send me over the summer – hopefully over the next few weeks. I may not have the time or wherewithal to write much, but I hope that posting them will inspire you (and me too!) to keep striving for self acceptance and true enjoyment of the beauty that is present in each of our lives and in each of us. It certainly can’t hurt to try. 

Dancin’ In Your Drawers – My Personal Motivation to Move It….

"It's also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that's sitting here right now...with its aches and its pleasures...is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive"  - Pema Chodron

                                                                                                                            

When I initially sent around an email to some female friends of mine, letting them know about this particular blogging idea and inquiring about their personal preferences for breaking it down in their underwear, the very first response I received was a from a good friend of mine who lives overseas. She replied very politely, always encouraging despite obvious wondering what in world I had up my sleeve, stating, “It's great that you are writing though I'm not sure how it connects to undies... I'm sure you will fill me in.”  Hopefully this blog entry will suffice.

Anyone who knows me can affirm that music has always been a vital part of my life. As much as I love many different media of creativity, music has always spoken to something inside of me that could never be put into words. Nothing makes me feel the way that music does. Sensitive soul that I am, it’s because of this that it has been and always will be one of the great loves of my life. I have been jumping and dancing around to music with wild abandon for as long as I can remember. Whether producing a full length musical with a cast of Cabbage Patch Kids in my bedroom – sets, props, standing ovation, all products of my imagination –or flailing about, grinning ear to ear on neighborhood porches or in friends’ playrooms until near exhaustion, few things were ever as enjoyable to me as letting go and letting that music move me. As I got older and eventually engrossed in my eating disorder as a teenager, my love for music was one of the only joys that remained intact. But while I could listen and feel with the best of them, my days of letting go and letting my body move were as distant as they could be.

Fast forward several years to my blossoming life as a new-ish resident of the Big Apple. Though recovered enough to properly nourish and care for my body in a physical sense, I was a far cry from having an even remotely positive thought about my physique unless it was hidden - masked by carefully selected clothing that would perfectly camouflage every single flaw it possessed. I was able to enjoy moving about to my favorite tunes from time to time, but it was never with the freedom of days past, always with a self-consciousness that could easily win a world title if there was a competition for such an awful feeling. Even the slightest glimpse of my body when getting out of the shower or changing my clothes caused me to cringe at that point. You can imagine that the idea of dancing in next to nothing was not something at the top of my to do list. That is until I came across a random article in a fitness magazine I had purchased for a quick yoga workout supposedly inside. This in and of itself was a rarity for me, as I often find such magazines geared towards women’s bodies to be triggering regarding thoughts of my self worth, and particularly body image. Nonetheless, something drew me to that magazine, and since I had spent my hard earned four dollars or so to purchase it, I figured I might as well give it a once over and see if there were any articles worth reading. While scanning the table of contents, one almost immediately jumped out at me, promising sure fire (and fun) ways to boost your body confidence in a matter of minutes. Of course, I assumed this claim would prove to be greatly exaggerated, but thought it still couldn’t hurt to give it a quick read.

At the mere thought of underwear dancing, a crystal clear mental image of the brightly colored, wonderfully creative graphics accompanying that article still pops into my mind’s eye, in which a stylish, funky, unique, and ultimately super confident young woman was having a grand time at some sort of semi-formal fete. Yes, it was only a sketched illustration, but her confidence was impossible to ignore. I wanted to find out how to put myself in her shoes, and so I began to read. I believe there were several steps or tips of things to do or tell yourself to boost your self image, but the only one that stuck with me was stripping down and dancing – as in all out, no holds barred dancing in nothing but a bra and panties, particularly before a social event or a date or really any situation that would be made better by self confidence at its maximum. I’m honestly not sure what it was about this idea at that particular point in time that compelled me to drop everything and give it a try. I know that I had some sort of social activity going on that evening, though I can’t recall exactly what it was, and I distinctly remember thinking about a few choice individuals and wanting to show them with everything in me, what Sara was truly made of when I embraced it. And so, I danced.  Not completely in my underwear – a bra and some capri pants, I believe- but still a decidedly bold move for someone who struggled with the slightest glimpse of her body if it wasn’t covered up…and one that left me feeling phenomenal. In those few minutes, I realized that it was impossible to be actively obsessing about my bodily imperfections when I was giving everything in me over to the music. I was able to let it go for those few moments in time, and because of that, when I caught a glimpse of those parts of my body that were exposed post dance, they no longer looked as bad as I thought they did. I felt surprisingly confident in that realization, and I’m certain it showed to those socializing with me that evening.

From that evening on, letting my inhibitions go and getting my groove on in little clothing became a regular and necessary part of my life. That’s one of the reasons this time last year was so difficult for me; I was too weak to let my troubles out through dance because of what my body was going through. I can’t tell you how many times I listened to my favorite dancing songs and imagined as hard as I could, how I would bounce around with all the energy in the world if I could. I hated my body more with every day because of its seeming refusal to function properly and look healthy, making my chances of ever feeling well enough to jump around and feel good about my it seem next to nil. And that’s why this topic is so important to me; I can dance again and it feels better than ever.

I’ll let you in on a little secret about all this underwear dancing I have done in my adult life: For the longest time I rarely felt comfortable enough in my own skin to dance in only underwear. It was always a bra and some sort of pants or leggings. I could make the excuse that I was simply more comfortable with pants on, but I want to be honest. It seems silly when the only one who would see me or know would be me, but that’s what hating your body, and sometimes even hating yourself can do to a person. I’m not entirely sure what the deciding factor was, but that all changed the first night I was officially staying in my new apartment, in my new hometown, with what often feels like a whole new lease on life. I had stayed overnight in my place a couple nights the week before, but this was the first night that I was officially “home”. I was walking around my furniture less living room, iTunes providing some pleasant background music when it just hit me. I was in my space –just me – and I was alive. I promptly checked all the blinds, stripped down to my bra and underwear (yes – just my panties!), picked an awesome tune, cranked up the volume and danced like a crazy woman. As the young folk like to say, it was epic. I hope you’ll find some time to do some crazy dancing of your own until next time. In that spirit, here’s the song I chose that night. Epic indeed.

Sparks of Beauty gets adventurous....a series of sharing the "little things" I find to be extraordinary.

                                                  *photo by Taylor

“An adventure may be worn as a muddy spot or it may be worn as a proud insignia. It is the woman wearing it who makes it the one thing or the other.”   - Norma Shearer

I’m going to be completely honest here and say that I’ve wanted to write about this particular source of “beauty” since the very moment I first climbed inside a couple of months ago. That’s right; I’m talking about a 2001 silver Jeep Wrangler. Those who know me personally may not be surprised by the level of my enthusiasm, but those who know me only via my blogging may be slightly puzzled as to what on earth I could possibly find extraordinarily beautiful about a jeep. Well, that is exactly what I’m about to share with you.

I have written many a post about the beauty found in our differences as people and that which comes from learning to not only see, but to truly appreciate something that is unlike anything else you've gazed upon or experienced before.  I actually made a clear note of this very belief in the first entry of this Sparks of Beauty series; the act of instilling an awareness and appreciation that differs from my own way of looking at or doing something is beautiful to me.  Though completely unexpected, riding in this crazy little vehicle for the first time took that belief and offered actual proof of its truth in way I hadn’t experienced in years.  It would easily have qualified as what Oprah devotees would call an “aha moment”.   I’m not exaggerating when I say that roughly two and a half hours in the passenger seat – round trip -allowed me to feel something inside that I truly believed I had lost for good. It showed me that what I feared was gone forever was very much alive….and so was I.

My lack of any sort of real life over the past year and a half or so is no secret, and thus it should be no secret that fun was not part of my vocabulary during that time. On this particular afternoon -unseasonably warm and sunny for early April - I finally (finally!!!) had plans that were made with the sole intention of having fun and getting a break from some less than stellar circumstances that both my company for the evening and I were each muddling through in our respective lives. I was as excited as I’d imagine someone who had been through what I had been through could be. I was going to spend an evening in the awesome city of Pittsburgh with someone who was becoming a real friend. I was going to see a movie in the theatre for the first time in months. It was going to be great, or at least my version of “great” over the past few years, which basically meant it would be as good of an experience as someone who was so broken and depleted both physically and emotionally was capable of having. It would be fun at times, but I would still find myself not quite present, longing for a level of enjoyment that continued to elude me. Life had proven that this was inevitable. Nonetheless, I was not about to turn down even the smallest chance at joy. I was trying to find a reason to stay afloat and this seemed as good a chance as any, no matter how brief it might be.

I knew ahead of time that I would be riding in a Wrangler for several hours and to tell you the truth, as excited as I was, I was a little apprehensive. Let’s face it,  the media, with its countless ways of invading our homes each day ,is always ready to jump on the negative, especially if there is the slightest possibility that something could go wrong ; and jeeps aren’t exactly known for their stellar safety features. That plus the fact that my digestive issues aren’t quite known for cooperating when it comes to long car rides. But whatever - it would be an “experience”, an adventure if you will, and my curiosity won that little battle easily. Before I knew it, the jeep had arrived and if nothing else, I knew I was going to look super cool for the rest of that Saturday night.

I don’t know much – i.e. anything – about vehicles, having lived in a city where I didn’t need one for nine years, and I couldn’t tell an ultra expensive car from the most economical automobile if you paid me, but the sight of that rugged yet sleek silver jeep was immediately the epitome of vehicular coolness in the book of Sara. A taste of my apprehension returned when I noticed the sizable safety warning above the windshield– a warning that I will not repeat, as I don’t want to worry any family and friends who may be reading this, but I put my trust in the friend behind the wheel and we were off. You may be thinking, “That’s great, Sara, but isn’t this blog attempting to focus on the beauty that goes beyond the superficial and obvious? Aren’t you trying to look beneath the surface? So this was a visibly pleasing vehicle that was different than anything you’d ever ridden in. That’s great – but an “aha moment”?! Come on…” My reply would be that while this aspect of the jeep was a lot of fun on a certain level, if that had been the high point of the ride I wouldn’t be moved to write about it now. No - what happened is actually something that is difficult for me to put into words. I was riding down a road that I have ridden on countless times, in many different vehicles, as far back as I can recall, and yet it was new – brand new. Sitting a little higher, gazing at the passing trees, businesses, homes through this wide, rectangular windshield that allowed me to see so much more of the road and my surroundings than I had ever noticed before, feeling my entire body jostle and shift with every bump in the road. I felt everything – really felt it – and that was when it hit me. I realized what I had been given in all my loss – a new start, a fresh perspective, a different way of looking at and therefore living my life – and it was beautiful. For the first time in years, I felt hope – real hope. I felt more alive than I ever imagined I would feel again. I was enjoying each moment as it came, and for the first time in a very, very long time I had fun. Real fun. That momentary revelation in that jeep seemed to open the door to a whole new world for me, but it really wasn’t new - it was just a new way of looking at it that I may not have discovered otherwise. I had a wonderful time in Pittsburgh, and despite continued bumps in my road back to health and happiness, I have had many other truly fun experiences since that evening.

I've also been fortunate enough to have a recurring spot in the passenger seat of that Wrangler for many of those fun experiences, and that has not only served to cement my new found affection for this vehicle, it has also offered a blaring reminder that I am fully alive and I should embrace it each time I climb inside. Whether bumming a ride to a doctor’s appointment or taking a winding country road to reach a breathtaking scenic view of my new West Virginia hometown, it has been like a wonderful jolt of confidence and security as soon as I buckle up and the jeep rolls forward. I’ve done a bit of lay person reading on the jeep, to satisfy my own curiosity and to make sure I know what I’m writing about, and  that has only made it that much clearer to me why an SUV of sorts would have such an impact on my outlook. There are many mentions on various pro-jeep websites of the wrangler being for either the young or the young at heart. I realized that because of my entire teenage life being lost in a sense as a slave to anorexia and then moving to a city where no one drove, save cabbies, I had missed out on that feeling of freedom and exhilaration that comes from riding around as a young person. Couple that with the fact that just a few months ago, I truly felt like my life was as close to over as it could get, and it feels absolutely incredible to have this constant reminder that not only am I very much alive, I really haven’t missed out on anything. Far from it. I’m experiencing everything I could hope to experience, in the way that’s just right for me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I thought it might be fun to offer a link to a great little article I found regarding the pros and cons of owning a Wrangler. Much like my choice to live in the city that never sleeps for a time, a jeep is definitely an acquired taste. But regardless of your current level of interest or lack there of, I strongly suggest you give this list a look. I don’t know that it will serve to inspire you, but it’s my hope that knowing that something – anything- has inspired me so greatly when I thought nothing could will in turn, give you the little push you may be needing to discover your own source of inspiration, that little something that says, “You’re alive! It’s awesome! Enjoy it!”, whatever it may be. And if your interest is peaked enough to scan the pros and cons list, don’t let the cons scare you. Just make sure to ride with an experienced jeep owner and you’ll be just fine.  I can’t promise you’ll look as cool as if you were riding in the silver beauty pictured above - which by the way, is the only silver Wrangler with matching silver flairs in the city of Morgantown – but I can promise you that you will not care what you look like. You’ll be too busy having the time of your life.

Pros and Cons of owning a Jeep Wrangler

MAILE

"Her green plastic watering can
for her fake Chinese rubber plant
in the fake plastic earth....
that she bought from a rubber man
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself.
It wears her out. It wears her out."

- Fake Plastic Trees
by Radiohead

To me, truly good conversation is one of the most beautiful things we can experience with another human being. There's a reason we call it the art of conversation. This phrase often brings to mind an elegant little table by a sunlit window of a Parisian cafe', late in the afternoon, sipping espresso with a companion, discussing our latest thought provoking read, why our favorite films are such, or that brilliant guitarist that plays on the corner every Saturday night. Or perhaps sitting by the lake after a leisurely walk along the water, sharing deep rooted beliefs, fears, hopes, dreams, along with mindless chatter of new crushes and career frustrations, before admiring the breathtaking view. Yes, I may be pushing it a little, but a good discussion does exalt the mind and spirit --pleasing the senses on many levels. The perfect marriage of language and thought. Even though many of ours have taken place on noisy subway cars, through a series of emails, or via a garbled phone call courtesy of Skype -- this is how I feel about every conversation with Maile. That's not to say that every discussion offers such profound emotional intensity--but they are always enjoyable, always enlightening, and frequently offering some sort of wonderful and unexpected revelation for one, or both of us. Conversation at its finest.

It seems like our chats have been this way from the start, but in hindsight, I see a process or maybe more like a journey --not unlike Maile's continued journey to self-acceptance and hopefully (eventually) self love. Although I know she would have been flattered by the invitation, Maile never would have agreed to be a part of this blog a few years ago...at least, not unless she was made anonymous. I am truly honored that my little blog could be a stepping stone on her journey, and am delighted that she actually gave me her blessing to post her photo. She willingly let me snap away as we engaged in some extreme silliness during her most recent visit to NYC -- as you will soon read, yet another important stepping stone.

When I first broached the subject of the blog --yes, during one of our artful "A train" discussions-- Maile said yes, but nearly recanted almost immediately, with something to the effect of a doubtful, "I'll ramble. I'll be all over the place. I'll probably contradict myself." I told her that that was exactly why I asked her. That's honesty, and honesty is beautiful. It's a part of her journey,and journeys are often fraught with indecision, contradiction, and doubt. But it is through all that confusion that we learn to experience the fullness, growth, and ultimate joy of life in a much more fulfilling way. A way that allows us to discover and recognize the beauty that exists all around us...even in us. Beauty that is certainly in you, Maile.


What is beauty?

When I was young, I think I did what a lot of kids do -- compare myself to images on the tv and in magazines. In Hawaii, where I grew up, Asian girls proceeded to make themselves close to the perceived image of beauty--by perming and coloring our very straight hair and having surgery or sticking glue on our eyes to make them have a "double fold". All that aside, I knew I wasn't pretty based on any cultural standard of beauty. I wasn't thin like other Asian girls and didn't have a small oval face, rosebud lips, etc. I thought being beautiful was the key to happiness. When I studied fashion design in college, I learned that "Beauty" is all about proportion, symmetry, and flawlessness. (and that fashion is a business that tries to generate insecurity) But in college I also took art classes, and it was my salvation because drawing people was all about capturing individuality and not some idealized Greek proportion.

Now that I'm older, I realized I should have appreciated my youth and not been so obsessed with my appearance--which wasn't so bad. I didn't want to go to the beach in Hawaii (!) 'cause I felt too fat to be seen in a swimsuit...how stupid is that? (That's not to say that it's easy to withstand the criticism that comes with bearing the bulges...)

I think beauty is not just visual. What gives you joy is beautiful. Your cat, a great meal, a work of art, a piece of music, whatever.....



What is your most beautiful attribute and why? (This can be physical or otherwise...depending on how you read the question!)


Well. this might sound a bit sappy, but I think everybody's most beautiful attribute is the ability to make another person feel loved. People all need a little compassion, attention, and love. I'm not saying I'm good at doling out the TLC, but I'm working on being more attentive to my friends and relatives, and maybe giving a little joy with my art.....



Name one body image hang-up that you have overcome or are working on overcoming. How did you do it , or what are you doing to change how you feel about it?


I think I've gotten over a lot of things, although I think the critic in me will always be there. Someone once told me, "Your face is your gift to the world -- you should be more generous."

But now I've got no time to be obsessed with beauty. Forget being beautiful, it's more about what I want to do with my life and doing something meaningful. I try to say, "This is it! Try to be happy and healthy." A happy face is a beautiful face. I didn't let anyone take pictures of me in my 20's because I figured I was so unattractive. Now there's very little visual record of having existed. These days I let friends take photos, although I'm still wary of posting them online.



If you could change one thing about the current standards of beauty in our society, what would it be ?


I think the whole obsession with flawlessness has gotten way out of control. People are more and more plastic. And it's getting to children (as you previously mentioned). At least when I was young there were only magazines and tv. Now with the internet, millions of people scrutinize every bump, bulge, and wrinkle on a movie star's body (and what they are wearing). It's frightening. Film stars used to be older and balder and have larger noses. But now it's Nicole Kidman wearing a prosthetic nose....or maybe George Clooney can gain a few pounds. One good thing is that there's more ethnic diversity, but all the Asian actresses are flawlessly beautiful as well. I'm hoping the recession will make botox and plastic surgery less appealing....


It's great that you're having this discussion, Sara, even though I found this very difficult to do. It goes without saying --you're beautiful!