Ode to Leeeeenda.....

So, nearly a year after attempting to launch my little dancing in your undies project, I'm finally posting some fantastic feedback I received from one of dearest friends, who also happens to be right up there with the most beautiful people I know. And when I say beautiful, I mean inside and out - REAL beauty. Though my timing might seem completely random, it's actually not. Lynda is getting married in just a couple weeks, and I, along with the other members of our affectionately coined "Clump", have the privilege of being part of the wedding. Unfortunately, due to a feisty flu bug and then a jam-packed work schedule, I was unable to make it to all of the pre-wedding festivities to celebrate the bride. But my friends, being as AWESOME as they are, of course made me feel like I was part of each celebration by sending texts and photos, emails and even phone calls. That said, I wanted to do a little something to celebrate Lynda in my own way, and since I never got around to posting the silly goodness of her contribution to "Project Undie Dance", I've decided there's no better time than the present. 

Over the next week I'll be posting one or two youtube videos of Lynda's favorite underwear dancing songs each day, and her reasons for adding them to her personal gettin'-her-groove-on repertoire. I think you'll definitely enjoy it, whether you know Lynda or not.....and maybe you'll even be inspired to shed your inhibitions and let the music move you too! 


It's funny- many years ago I began to call Lynda "Leeeeenda", with a long E sound. At the time I took French in school, so it wasn't until I was living in NYC that I learned that the word "linda" - pronounced the same way as my nickname for her, speaks of her beauty. A perfect fit if there ever was one. This is for you, Leeeeeenda. You have inspired me more than you know. And I can assure you that I will be dancing to at least one, if not more of your recommendations after posting.    ;)




LYNDA RECOMMENDS:


The Bee-gees: You Should Be Dancing- "Well, because I agree! And it is SO fun to make your voice sound like theirs."

Fresh Air....

It's impossible for me to hide my excitement about this post ; not because of anything I have to say, but because of what I feel it represents. First off, I'm going to break one of my personal blogging "rules" and give thanks where thanks is due. I'm obviously willing to write about a plethora of personal feelings, opinions, and such, but I do my best to keep the details of my life to myself and those who actually happen to be a part of my personal life. That said, this post would not be possible if it weren't for the beauty of a wonderful woman I had the good fortune to "meet" a few weeks ago. And that wouldn't have been possible if my awesome boyfriend hadn't felt compelled to share my blog with some friends of his. He knows who he is and knows how grateful I am, but nonetheless, I feel it's an important factor of my excitement in sharing this post with you.

After he posted a link on a social media site, I was completely stunned and humbled to receive a remarkably thoughtful and heartfelt email from his lovely friend, Ulrike. She and I have both heard a lot about each other, but as Ulrike lives in Germany, we haven't had the opportunity to meet. You can imagine my astonishment that not only did someone I have never met (from overseas, no less) want to follow and support my little blog, but has since been so touched by it that she has already sent me some fantastic contributions that I can't wait to share with you. This is wonderful in and of itself, but to me, this is EXACTLY what I hoped to accomplish when I initially started this project several years ago. I wanted to get people talking. I wanted to reach people. And to be able to inspire even one person through my writing is more than I could ask for. I'll sound like a humbled and grateful broken record soon, but even that seems an understatement when I think of what this means to me.

With all that in mind, I'm super excited to share this first contribution from Ulrike. The image above was part of an ad from her local family department store. But what makes this ad so unique is that the "models" pictured are not really models. They are, in fact, actual employees of that very department store! Yes, they had stylists and make-up artists and are looking their best, but they are REAL people. Not these overly photo shopped (and who knows what else!) "ideals" that we see plastered everywhere else. I believe there were still actual models in part of the ad as well, but even so, this is a very positive and realistic step forward. I often get so fueled by my anger over what torment this age of "perfection" has caused me personally that I see possible change as all or nothing. I often feel hopeless,helpless, and doomed to a life where I will never be comfortable in my own skin. I only see the negative. What Ulrike's contribution helped me to realize is that instead of focusing on all the negativity that I can't change, maybe I should pay more attention to the positive aspects that I can share with you and put into play in my own life. The old adage "Rome wasn't built in a day..." has stuck around for a reason, and while you and I can't change society, we CAN change (with patience and practice) how we let it affect us. And just think of what can be put in motion when just a small group of real people learn to defy the odds and truly embrace the REAL, BEAUTIFUL people that we are. 

It's not going to be easy for me. Not at all. But I look at how a few emails and blog posts have mutually inspired two women in a matter of weeks, and I feel hope. I hope I can hold onto that more and more in the coming days, and I hope you can too. Take a deep breath, and savor that beautiful fresh air it brings....

Healing....

                                                


It certainly sounds like something for which we should feel incredible gratitude and pride. When I think of the healing I have done in the last year alone, embarrassment and shame definitely don't make the list of emotions I feel, and I'd venture to guess I'm not alone in that, if I were to ask those of you who have come through physical and emotional battles of your own. Why is it then, that we're so often embarrassed - even ashamed - of our scars? Here I am with my defiant stance against this age of physical "perfection" that we are perpetually force fed, vowing to love and accept myself the way I AM, and yet those closest to me know that my scars are very high on the list of body image hang ups I have never truly accepted. I can be as proud as a warrior fresh from battle, speaking of my G-tube scar and it's constant reminder of how I conquered my Anorexia -but ask me to show that scar to you, and the term "humiliation" would be an understatement for my shift in emotions. Sure, I've come to feel "ok" with it in intimate situations where there is love and trust, but I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel I was hiding some horrid disfigurement on a daily basis, when I think of that  scar and other imperfections I have acquired from "healing" over the years. A few months ago,someone incredibly special to me attempted to publish these quotes as a comment to one of my posts , but due to an internet glitch that evening, they were lost in cyberspace. I'd like to think I was meant to receive them personally, so that I could not only use them for my own continued healing, but so I could also have the opportunity to pass them along to you. 


I don't know how long it will take, and quite honestly, I don't know exactly how - period - but I am more determined than ever to be as proud of my scars as young Harry is of his in the photo above. It's my sincere hope that you can all feel that way too, and I think reading the beautiful quotations below is an excellent place to start.








"God will not look you over for medals degrees or diplomas, but for scars. "
Elbert Hubbard

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. "
Garrison Keillor

"Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is
a perfect map of the London Underground."
 Albus Dumbledore

...and perhaps the best for last:

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive
characters are seared with scars."
Khalil Gibran

The Right Place At The Right Time....

There's an incredibly special beauty that can only come from being in the right place at that precise moment inspiration strikes ; Inspiration that seems as if it's tailor made for no one else but you. This morning, my place was the internet, and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect inspiration. I never intended to be where I am, but I am so very glad I'm here...

Forward March.....

   

   "I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely, its bloom would fade – the sweet charm of freshness would leave it. I did not then know that it was no transitory blossom; but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem.”  - from Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)   

Ah, the restlessness of the creative mind. Whatever your art, you know that seeking to which I'm referring. You are passionate about what you're creating, therefore, you can't just put any old thing out there. You want it to be just right ; to express yourself in a way that is yours alone, whether it be a beautiful painting or a heartfelt letter - or even an email! - to a dear family member or friend. It's a wonderful gift - to care so much about what you're creating and sharing - but at the same time we creatives often have a "bazillion!" thoughts and ideas going on at once, and it seems nearly impossible to even make an attempt to express them unless we abandon all other responsibilities, activities - pretty much EVERYTHING else that makes up our daily lives! Free association can be a real pain in the dupa when you simply want to get your point across.

With that in mind, I want to tell you that I too, have so many ideas, so many possibilities for growth and positive changes for this blogging project , so much I want to share - but it seems I've found valid ways to "conveniently" keep myself from doing what gives me so much fulfillment in posting to this blog. I haven't made excuses. I've had a heck of a lot going on, as most working adults trying to build a good life do. But I'm also aware that I've often refused to post until I had an essay that was as close to "perfect" in my eyes as it could get , thus  - you guessed it - completely acting against the mission of this blog. Yes, I love to write.  Yes, I have a very long way to go to become the writer I someday hope to be. But this is a blog about beauty and truth. My absolute favorite thing about it (I've said it many times, so forgive me for putting it out there one more time) is sharing that with whoever happens to be reading ; sharing it with you.  Somewhere in the past few months, that seems to have taken an unfortunate backseat. So... from here on out, that's exactly what I aim to do.

I honestly have no clue what format, if any, I'm going to follow. But I can say for certain that those pesky ideas that I've been squelching until they're "perfectly expressed" (oh, please!) will be brought to the forefront ASAP. Maybe it will be some random thoughts I have about something I saw on TV or an interaction I had with a friend or co-worker. Maybe I'll share some sites filled with visually creatively beauty that I've been lucky enough to learn of, or maybe I'll have some interactive posts. Maybe some polls, interviews,changing the layout - who knows?! But I will be sharing, and I'm looking forward to it.

Stay tuned....I plan on kicking off some "random" posts in the next day or two, and I'd love to share them with you.

An Oldie But Goodie....

No matter how many times you've seen this commercial over the past few years, I sincerely recommend watching it one more time. Or twenty more times. Whatever it takes to help you realize your "Real Beauty", as the Dove brand calls it. I believe it may be even more vital to how we view ourselves now- in 2012- than it was when it first aired. I know it is for me....

Dancin' In Your Drawers : JANET

"Promise me you'll always remember : You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - (Christopher Robin to Pooh) A.A. Milne

I should have known better than to avow in my last post that I would publish all the underwear dancing feedback I've received within a week or two. Once again life had other plans which have mainly consisted of doing my best to take care of myself and rest every waking moment I’m not at work, due to a pesky little virus that decided to pay me a visit as of last weekend. I refuse to complain because this was absolutely nothing compared to anything I’ve experienced in the illness realm over the past few years, but nonetheless I wasn’t quite feeling up to thought provoking writing or the typing of it.  I’m still not feeling the greatest, but sometimes taking care of oneself means doing so emotionally. Feeling in need of some emotional TLC today, I’ve decided to blog. As I mentioned in my last entry, due to time constraints and still working on lining up a couple of interviews in the not so distant future (Yes, interviews! They’re coming, and I promise they will be worth the wait!) I’m going to make the focus of my next few posts, sharing the fun and inspiring thoughts some of my long time friends sent my way about their personal experiences dancing in their underwear. I’ve held on to these emailed thoughts and musings since they started trickling into my inbox early this summer. I hope that despite the lapse in time, they’ll still provide you with the uplifting and even heartwarming feelings they stirred up for me when I read them.

To kick things off, I’m starting with the beautiful reply I received from my dear friend, Janet. A few posts back I made mention that the people I am fortunate enough to have in my life right now really do accept me and love me just as I am in a way that I have never felt so strongly before, but what I didn’t add is that whether I always believed them or not, some of those very people have been accepting me "as is" for quite some time now. Janet is most definitely an excellent case in point. To write about the bumps in the road of life throughout our friendship would require a book, but I can assure you that I’m immensely grateful for every single page. Janet became my friend when I didn’t really have any concept of who or what I was outside of my eating disorder. I was at a new school, starting late in the year due to my first string of hospitalizations for my anorexia and that’s all anyone knew of me. I was the anorexic girl who everyone tried to be extra nice to because I was “fragile” and “sick”. With those labels as an introduction how would anyone possibly see me for me…. if there even was a me? I’m still not quite sure how, but Janet did. She became a key part of a group of the kindest, funniest, unique, and non-judgmental young ladies I have ever met who, unbeknownst to us, were solidifying what has grown into a lifelong bond of friendship. All because she and the other young ladies - more on them in future posts. stay tuned. - saw in me what I couldn’t, and they liked it a whole heck of a lot. We quickly coined ourselves “The Clump”, and the rest is history. To this day, some of my most sincere giggles come from reminiscing about the ridiculous things that would happen when we put our heads together. But as enjoyable as it would be to take a stroll down memory lane and recall the fun and happy times, I bring all this up because I don’t know if I have ever adequately expressed how much the true friendship, acceptance, and love of those young ladies did for me then and continues to do for me today. Truth be told, by our senior year of high school they were watching me die. They got rides in from another state more than once to see me emaciated and hooked up to machines, not knowing if that visit was going to be the last. And through it all, they saw me.  ME. The girl that’s still an enormous part of the woman I am today. I honestly don’t know how they did it, but I believe that the love and acceptance they showed me is the greatest gift that friendship has to offer.

I hope that sharing this doesn’t put a damper on the inspiring words Janet has to offer. My intention in sharing that glimpse into our early friendship was as far from that as it could be. Instead I hoped it would  add to the meaning behind what she wished to share, and that you would be better able to understand the sincerity, thoughtfulness, and beauty that I have been privileged enough to experience time and time again, simply because she is my friend.

I’d like to clarify that Janet’s sentiments - as will be the case with comments from any of the other women I will be posting in the coming weeks - are completely her own. I simply sent around an email letting them know about my undie dancing project idea and asking for some song recommendations and hopefully specific feedback.  I am truly honored to have received the awesome responses I did. So let's get to it. Here is what Janet had to say about the value of dancing in your drawers.

                                                                                                                                                          

" WHERE TO START?!?!?  OMG!!!  So to start off I will dance around (in my own house) in undies or fully clothed to just about anything! Currently, Rock of Ages OBC (original Broadway cast) and anything Glee soundtrack. Music in general helps me to feel better, no matter what is going on.  I of course LOVE LOVE LOVE Glee!!!  It makes me miss "The Clump" so much!  Glee in general makes me think of sleepovers in Christa's basement and carefree time.  Times before paying bills, before working everyday, and days of sharing my inner most thoughts with "the clump" who understood and each had a different perspective on those thoughts, days when I could see my friends everyday. In general music is what heals the soul.  I use it everyday with my students as well.  When things are stressful in the classroom we put on a dancing tune and take min or two and dance!  To quote Shrek the musical "Let your freak flag fly!" I love your blog; it is very enlightening and helpful.  Please keep writing.  Never forget that it’s the arts that help us to live!  Whether its painting, sketching, writing, cooking, dancing, singing, acting, or doing a silly craft it’s something to help you escape or cope with life!  These are the things that make us who we are!  

You think once you’re out of high school/ adolescence that all your immature fears go away, but they don't.  Your life changes and somehow to expect to "grow up" but parts of us never do.  Sometimes this is a good thing, like letting your inner child out.  But sometimes your inner adolescent escapes as well.  I get caught up in your old fears of beauty. What you should look like, how much you should weigh, and such. Only now it adds in all the beauty components with your adult responsibilities.  So not only must you be model looking, but also Wonder Woman at the same time with a career.  So how does one get over all of this?  Through escapes like music and dance.  Thank goodness for my home and window blinds!  When things feel completely overwhelming it's time to shake what your mamma gave ya!  So I LOVE LOVE LOVE the dancing undie project!"  

I wanted to post a song to pass along some dancing inspiration based on what each friend had to say, so in honor of my friendship with Janet, I’m taking it back old school. I fondly recall her love for TLC when we first met. So this is for you. Get your groove on, girlfriend! I assure you I will absolutely be doing the same as soon as I click “publish”.